I am a perfectionist. And I hate it.

I hate how I have to live up to my extremely high expectations. I hate how I beat myself up all the time. To me, life is just a series of mistakes and failures. Why am I never good enough? Why do I always mess up? The words play through my head like a mantra. I am my biggest critic. I spend hours, days, obsessing over my faults and scrutinizing my flaws.

I hate how I become depressed when I get anything other than a grade of 100 in school. I hate how I try so damn hard to please others. I must look like the perfect girl to everyone. Who would dare dislike a girl who does and says everything perfectly?

This constant strive for perfection has sucked the life out of me. I just want to give up so much. What is the point of being perfect? Being perfect takes its toll on you. It drains all the energy out of you, the energy you should reserve to take care of yourself, relax, have a bit of fun.

I want to stop trying so hard. Im not even gonna care about correct grammar or puncuation or flawlessly fluent sentences or whatever CRAP my mind can conjure as a rubric so i can beat myself up later when i falll short of the expectations. I JUST CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. I cant keep trying to be perfect all the time!!

Sure, I seem like a perfect girl on the outside. But on the inside, my mind is a mess.