Quite a Mouthful | Teen Ink

Quite a Mouthful MAG

January 22, 2009
By Melanie Thibeault SILVER, Attleboro, Massachusetts
Melanie Thibeault SILVER, Attleboro, Massachusetts
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments

There is a general consensus that I'm an unusual person. It's okay – I know I'm not all there. But what I lack in common sense and sanity, I make up for with my mouth.

What?! you're thinking. You've cracked. You're on drugs. Nope, but I will be soon. And the stronger, the better.

Okay, so I'd better explain before I have the police searching my bag for controlled substances. This all started a few months ago, when I had a slight dull pain in the back of my mouth, around where one of my wisdom teeth was supposed to be coming in. I didn't think much of it because it was a pain that I could live with for a while (like the throbbing I'm accustomed to from tripping up or down the stairs).

However, during the next few weeks, the pain became more constant and intense, spreading to my teeth, gums, and jaw. If you know me, you know that I whine a lot. Most of my writing (okay, all) consists of me complaining or ranting about something. But this time, I'm not just grumbling about a petty pain – I have seven wisdom teeth.

Yes, you read that correctly, seven – three more than a normal person. I've been called many things, and normal has never been one of them. I guess my mouth just wanted to join the party.

My initial reaction when I heard was to laugh, a lot. After all, it's just my luck to have extra something. I am an overachiever. My mouth apparently felt obligated to do more work than it had to.

After the laughter wore off, which took a couple of hours, confusion set in. Why did I, of all people, receive an extra set? I decided it was ­either all that milk I drank as a child, or I was turning into a vampire – except I don't think vampires have extra teeth; theirs are just pointy. For now, and probably forever, it will remain a medical mystery (maybe I could be on that show).

I lost my first baby tooth after biting into the softest roll possible. I've also been hit in the face with a soccer ball more times than I can remember. My teeth may be retaliating against me for not protecting them better.

Focusing on the positive, one of the great things about having extra teeth is watching people's reactions when they find out. Confused exclamations and head tilts are common, and so far I haven't grown tired of repeating myself.

The extra teeth are also a good excuse for me being tongue-tied. I can now blame my incoherent babbling on my overcrowded mouth rather than my slow brain.

Of course, with wisdom teeth come the intellect jokes. My parents have attributed my smarts to my extra teeth and not my hard work and possibly natural talent. They are suggesting, as my friends assume, that once the teeth are pulled, my astuteness will diminish to that of a five-year-old.

I've also given some thought to how I might profit from this situation. If only I still believed in the tooth fairy, I could rake in a lot of cash. Maybe I could sell my extras to someone in need. Advertisement: Seven teeth for sale, unused, in ­almost perfect condition, enjoy sweets, in need of new mouth.

I have been warned that there's a chance they may grow back. Maybe I can develop the new weird science of tooth farming. I could “harvest” and sell them. I may never have to get a real job. Like Midas and his golden touch, I will produce teeth at will. (Now that I'm rereading this, I'm starting to realize why no one has ever described me as “normal.”)

Don't be fooled by my jokes; I am worried about the surgery, but not as concerned as I am about my behavior on strong painkillers. That should be an experience in itself. But really, isn't getting four teeth pulled bad enough? I have one for each day of the week.

Despite my slight contempt for them, I'm also going to be sad to see the Lucky Seven go. Yes, I named them; I've developed quite an attachment over the past two days that I've known of their existence. Once they're removed, I'll just be normal again, and who wants that? Certainly not anyone who plans to go into tooth farming.

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This article has 9 comments.

Secret1237 said...
on Mar. 30 2016 at 2:13 pm
Secret1237, New City, New York
0 articles 0 photos 9 comments
I love it! The funny part is It reminded me of myself in many ways.

Hannah said...
on Jun. 1 2014 at 3:18 pm
Love the creativity. This was so fun to read.

on May. 6 2011 at 5:10 pm
YoungsurvivorLiz SILVER, San Jose, California
5 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A bend in the road is not the end of the road- unless you fail to make the turn"

haha this brought a smile to my face!!! i loved it!!! :D

on Dec. 3 2010 at 9:23 pm
Authorgal98 GOLD, Frankort, Illinois
17 articles 0 photos 194 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let your mind sart a journey through a strange new world..."

I love your voice it's so fresh! And I sooo want ot buy stocks in your tooth farming! ^.^

LastChapter said...
on Oct. 20 2010 at 7:15 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
0 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
(couldn't think of anything better at the time) "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."-Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

so funny! it was quirky and cute and while my sides are splitting at your, um, abnormal career choice, i'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.  the Lucky Seven will be well missed.


on Apr. 13 2010 at 10:03 pm
sasssgirrrl22 PLATINUM, Pearl River, New York
27 articles 0 photos 266 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Giving up is not a part of my vocabulary."
"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
"Truth be told I miss ya, truth be told I'm lying."

ha WOW, thats  weird. Kewl though :P  really like the piece! My twelve year molars came at a very odd time...they were really late. Surprisingly enough, (those who know me will strongly disagree) I have a relatively small mouth. Just gets alot of use xD From what both my dentist & I could tell, I dont have much more room 4 more teeth lol & i still need my wisdom ones.

Jigjoo GOLD said...
on Dec. 14 2009 at 5:01 pm
Jigjoo GOLD, Many, Louisiana
10 articles 8 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hello. My name is Muerte, and I will be your assassin today.

Wow! I'm missing five teeth (naturally) and only seven of my baby teeth have fallen out. I love this article; it's really entertaining!

on Nov. 14 2009 at 7:03 pm
emilysbreakfast GOLD, Alto, Michigan
10 articles 0 photos 48 comments
NO WAY. I'm missing three teeth. Maybe God accidentally gave them to you instead?

on Nov. 10 2009 at 10:05 am
curledupwabook BRONZE, Helena, Montana
4 articles 3 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Drama is just life with the dull bits cut out.- Alfred Hitchcock

This article is freakin' hilarious! great job! I love how you put a funny spin on such a weird medical phenomenon. execellent work!