I wasn’t always interested in baking. In fact, I was like many of its critics. I helped my mom prepare food when we had family or friends over, but I despised the last task: making desserts. Why waste more time and energy baking when we just cooked an enormous amount of food? Why bake when we can buy delicious pastries from Martha’s Country Bakery? Don’t get me wrong—I love dessert and often it’s the best part of a meal. But, isn’t it more delightful if we don’t have to work to create a dessert? What if it just materialized at the end of a meal, sort of like a little reward?

Although I believed baking was a tedious chore, it was in ninth grade that I discovered some of its rewarding and fulfilling aspects. I first started exploring the colorful world of confections through shows like Cupcake Wars and Cake Boss. I was intrigued that people could make such impressively stacked cakes and ornate cupcakes. Wanting to try to make some desserts myself, I searched online for various recipes. The countless cooks I watched on TV and online made baking seem like a breeze. Even my mom made baking seem effortless. What more was there to baking than to add ingredients and follow the instructions? Obviously, I was in for a big surprise.

I decided on making banana bread. The recipe appeared to be simple, and it was something I liked to eat, so why not? I sauntered into the kitchen, not in the least bit concerned with the debacle that was soon to unfold. Baking is a scavenger hunt, I discovered; I couldn’t find the pan needed for the bread, the measuring cups for the ingredients, or some of the ingredients themselves. I didn’t even know how to preheat an oven! Would I burn down the house at this rate? After finally finding everything and putting the banana bread into the oven, I took a deep sigh. The pots, pans, and cooking utensils were scattered everywhere after my search. All the ingredients were lying around, too—banana peels on the counter, extra butter on the floor, flour spilled everywhere. And then I smelled it. The sweet scent of bananas mixed with chocolate and bread. I was so excited to taste my first creation that I completely disregarded the mess I had created in the kitchen. I took the stunning banana bread out of the oven and just waited for it to cool, letting its delicious aroma waft through the air. It was perfectly made: the bread cooked to a golden-brown, the texture was moist without being soggy, and the chocolate melted in all the right places.

Once cooled, I eagerly took my first bite. Was I to become a baker? How did I not realize my talent in baking before? Maybe I could even go on a baking show or start making my own Youtube channel. I began to chew, waiting for the incredible taste. Instead, a bland, insipid lump formed in my mouth. The banana bread—if you can even call it that—was a mess. Instead of the sweet taste of banana, there was a sour, bitter aftertaste. The chocolate was sickeningly sweet, yielding an overall jarring flavor. Although the bread looked golden-brown and moist on the outside, it was actually quite the opposite when cut. It was dull and gooey to the point of feeling like jelly. I was utterly disappointed. How could something that smelled so good taste this bad? Am I not as talented as I thought I was?

Despite the disappointments of my banana bread, I learned a lot. I found out that  measurements are precise and must be followed exactly; I can’t just eye the measurement and expect it to be accurate. Also, I should learn the proper names for the measuring cups: there’s an immense difference between one tablespoon and one teaspoon! I realized how hard baking actually is. But I also realized how fun baking is. I worked to create the world’s most amazing banana bread only to discover that it was easier said than done. Although my banana bread was nothing to brag about, I was actually quite proud of myself because I at least didn’t burn down the house like I feared. I was able to create something with my own two hands. I had picked out a recipe by myself, acquired the ingredients by myself, and made a dessert by myself. I also realized how much more relaxed I became. Baking gave me a sort of peace that I didn’t have in my day to day life.

Wanting to redeem myself for my humiliating banana bread, I returned to the baking videos, this time turning to YouTube channels such as MyCupcakeAddiction and Joy of Baking, so I could imitate the motions. After perusing endless videos, I decided on making pumpkin pie for my second attempt. This time around I was more comfortable in the kitchen and knew where everything was—no more breaking a sweat to find ingredients and measuring spoons and cups. I calmly followed the recipe with accuracy, making sure to mix thoroughly and to preheat the oven to the right temperature. The whole atmosphere was more relaxed than it was last time; when making banana bread I was anxious, afraid of the final outcome. This time I just made the pumpkin pie because I wanted to and because I was having fun. My thoughts were much more organized and I could really enjoy the complete process of baking—even cleaning up! I felt the same sense of freedom, power, and peacefulness that I felt while making banana bread.

I held my breath as the oven beeped to inform me that my pie was complete. Unlike last time, I was not deceived by the seemingly delicious smell and outer appearance. The real test was how it tasted. As I cut myself a slice and took a bite, I was shocked. This dessert actually tasted like pumpkin pie! Even though it had a little too much cinnamon and the crust wasn’t exactly flaky, I had succeeded. My pumpkin pie wasn’t outstanding, but it was an improvement. The pumpkin pie led to another recipe and another attempt until I was baking about every two weeks.

Over the past two years, I have found myself in the kitchen frequently. I began to love baking because the possibilities of creating desserts were endless. While I am restricted in my everyday life from pursuing different activities, I can bake whatever my heart desires—whether it be chocolate chip cookies or brownies. I am in a different world when I bake; I am oblivious to the difficulties and obstacles I am going through. Rather, I am focused on the wonderful distractions that arise in the kitchen. Where’s the flour? Did I set the oven at the right temperature? Don’t forget to grease the pan!