Diary entry "I don't understand how some people choose to live in between black and white when you have the choice to live beyond the black and white and some place with color's of red and orange like the horizon when set. or the pure silver like the color of the moon, and all sorts of blue's, pinks and even purple like when day light meets night and kisses it goodbye before leaving to a place that shall remain a secret to all of us. Or that beautiful blazing yellow that winks when the sun plays hide and seek behind the trees. It'll always remain a mystery to me. Maybe most just haven't tried looking out."

I went through a lot before getting where I am now. I went through depression which was the hardest moment I have ever went through. I have explained much of what my depression felt like plenty of times. About how sick of life I was, how I wanted to scream and felt like I was loosing my self. After going through it I have learned that I hadn't lost my self during though's times I was a wonderer seeking to find the real me awaiting to be awoken.

I learned so much in the past three years I'm not the same snarky little girl who was oblivious to the world that surround her. I think what I went through has made me stronger and helped me realize the precious things in life that people seem not to notice. I noticed how amazing it is to watch the seasons change from
The sound of the branches breaking under your feet with The smell of the falling and burning leaves. The beauty of the howling wind that winter has to offer,

Or the sweet bitter mix of spring and all though's hazy summer nights where you feel most that nothing can stop you. If you really look things become a lot more beautiful. And I have learned to believe in love. I have also learned that you can not be happy with out being unhappy sometimes.

and one of the most important thing I have learned about life is If you have a dream you must follow it and to never! Put it on hold. god wont let fate wait for you if he sees you are doing nothing to deserve it. You need to work for it and learn to live for every day, because we can not waist time for it is our beautiful hidden enemy. Each second that ticks away Is a second you'll never get back. So we must live for every second and fulfill our dreams.

In that moment, as the fallen leafs began to travel passed me, with the perks of winter air helping them travel far from here. Maybe someplace better. I realized while listening to that song with the people I loved most around me, that I am here and this is now.

I knew if I didn't want to be a sad story any more I had to do something about it. I knew that the life I was living in that time wasn't worth telling, I had to do something about it. Because every body has a story and I don't want mine to go unnoticed.  So i put my volume Louder and within the lyrical notes to that song, I looked out from beyond the inside of that car and ahead to the outside. Where the world you see from out side your window faded away like an uninspiring painting and something better appeared, my world. In my dreams I seen myself smiling some place that wasn't here. That wasn't now, all I knew as a counted up the years that it would be real because I seen these moments for a reason. It gave me something to look forward to, It gave me hope.
People say that hope is like a paper thin wall to shadow over the thick fear that lies beneath it.

But I believe they are wrong. I believe that hope is like holding a small flickering flame pulsing like a heart beat in the palm of your hands. And with time my hope and faith grew some place passed the sky and beyond, there are no words, written nor spoken  that will ever explain the faith I have in god and in life. I love to think of it as my own delicious secret.

I am writing this now to remind myself and you that I do not just want a life I want to live.

Diary entry "I don't know if they'll ever understand, that I want to be outside, closer to the brisk air and horizon where I can smell just how beautiful it is, where I can breath it in and crawl up in it forever"

Everybody has a story and I don't want mine to go unnoticed.