Its not about when and where... but what and why.

  My dark passenger was devouring me. Eating me inside and out. Not sure its me people looked at anymore. From the depths of the mirror, a corpse gazed back at me

  It seemed as if the shadow inside me is in an endless hunting spree. scavaging through an endless pitt of emptiness. Trying to get its way through me. To control me.

  In the meantime i know i always had to cover up. The emotional pain this had been causing me. The doubt it built up inside of me increases everytime i let this happen. I always let everyone, including myself, down. A cloud of reget boils up. Rains sadness over me. Not sure if the satisfaction of trying to keep you content will be enough.

  It was a nightmare in my head i couldnt control. Staining the green grass in my mind with a pool of red blood.
As i got up every morning and got ready for school. I looked up in the sky and asked god "why.. whats the meaning of life if we all die?" Even though i move on with my day i never understood why.. whats the meaning of everything.

  No doubt. I cant say im not happy with the way i live. Im just confused of it all. everything i do changes my perspective on this world and its part of something greater.. not only that, it helps me picture the world even more cruel than the last time i seen it. as
If theres really no way out.

   cruelty and torture, full of people i pity. Full of monsters and creatures. Assailiants and assassins. The way people spill their blood and sweat to defend their position and take the lives of others to prove a point. I dont get it. Whats the meaning of it all. When there's peace theres pain. all im looking for is a truth i cannot seem to find

  I get to work and look at Unfamiliar faces that are filled with anger, hate, tears of blood and sweat covered up with a fake dark smile i cant stand. Theres always poverty and illness all around me. what's the point of all this if we continue to struggle to live another day? just to get some money to buy a loaf of bread for our precious families that worry about how we'll get enough money to pay this next months rent.

  Maybe its just me thats confused. Maybe i cant seem to understand how this world works yet and maybe just maybe, i havent accepted the world as one. the monster that feeds off me inside my bones, thoughts and beliefs must be lost as well. Maybe my soul is trying to help me understand and help me discover the beautiful changes. But at the moment i do not know.

  But what i do know is that i strughle as well. Like the others i tend to smile on the outside but cry silently on the inside. Not necessarily the tears for help. But more like tears of confusion and despair i have towards others. I was never much of a people person myself but im able to get along just well. Im able to get around using my skills of psychology to figure out what their thinking. To know what its like to feel what they feel.

  For someone like me that reads a lot and tends to flower up their thoughts with risky situations and horrible consequences. Im not half bad.

I live day and night to search for answers I cannot find. Simply to confuse myself and others around me.