2014 to 2015 | Teen Ink

2014 to 2015

January 2, 2015
By EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.


It's January 2nd, the second day of 2015. As I'm writing this, I can't believe that it has now been 15 years - 15 years that I'm now alive. I can't believe that just two days ago, it was 2014. 

 

I can't believe that I made it this far. When I first came to the United States, to America, I had just turned 10 years old and everything in America was so new. I suppose, I can't believe that I'm here in 2015 because I still remember that scared, little girl in 2010 who didn't know what to do when she first came a new, strange land.

 

Besides being lost and feeling lost, not knowing what to do when I first cae to America, I started a battle with depression in 2010. And as the years passed by, the depression grew and my first suicidal thought came when I ws 11 years old. 

 

I suppose, I'm shocked that I made it this far because I thought of so many suicidal thoughts and I tried to commit suicide with a knife a day after my birthday. Only, God knows how many suicidal thoughts came into my head in 2014. To step in front of a car and become another body in the ground. To hang myself with a rope. To cut and stab myself, repeatedly. To drink to drown the pain away. And so much, more.

 

Yet I'm still here. And I thank God, that I'm still here because he is the reason why I'm here. He's saved me so many times, that I can't count how many times he's saved me; and I'm sure he's going to keep saving me in the future even when I'm stupid and make mistakes. 

 

It's January 2, 2015 and I'm here, writing one of the main lessons that I learned in 2014. One of the lessons that I learned from experience and that I'm glad that I have learned, even as painful as it was. 

 

"Listen to many, speak to a few." -William Shakespeare

 

"Love all, trust a few, do a wrong to none." -William Shakespeare

 

To some certain extent, you have to trust everyone, but that doesn't mean you have truly trust everyone. I'm the type of person who trusts people a lot, when that's risky. The type of person who loves being around people. The type of person who sees the good in others and tries to draw out and almost, always sees the best in everyone. The type of person who acts before she thinks. 

 

Yesterday, on January 1st, I was explaining to my mum one of the main lessons I learned in 2014. I learned to listen to many, but to talk to few. I learned that to some ceratin extent, I can trust people, but not truly trust people that they get a glimpse of my heart or touch my heart or hold my heart for a little bit; to not truly trust people that I basically, hand my heart. Because someone could hurt me deeply, even if I do see the good in them. 

 

I'm writing the lesson I learned, because I don't want the same thing that happened to me happen to any of you. I handed my heart to someone I barely knew and let that person hold my heart. That person hurt me and at that time, I wish I could rewind time and fix my mistake. It's something I regretted after it happened, but I'm not regretting it now. Even though, what I did was freaking stupid, it taught me a lesson I needed to learn. I can't spend my life regretting and trying to survive, when life is meant to not regret and to live not survive. (I apologize for my language, but I still think what I did was stupid.) But like I said before, life isn't meant to be lived through the full with regretting, life is meant to be live through the full without regretting and living not surviving. Life is meant to feel and be alive not just breathing. 

 

Not all people deserve to touch your heart or glimpse your heart or hold your heart, even if a little bit. Because sometimes, people can hurt you deeply. They can hurt you a lot. With their actions and words. They can break your heart. 

 

Trust few, love all, listen to many, speak to few and do wrong to none. 

 

"Do wrong to none." I'm not perfect. I have done wrong to people. I'm weak. I'm complicated. I have scars on me, that are fading and healing. I don't swim in shallow waters, I swim in deep waters. I'm not normal, I'm crazy; how crazy, I don't know. I have limitations, I have boundaries. I'm used to the feelng of having a broken-heart and being hurt. See? Though, my mum likes to joke that I'm close to perfect, I'm not. I'm not that close. 

 

My eyes may now be shining with happiness, but my eyes used cry quietly at night and widen with fear from nightmares that went on for above 10 years because I was afraid my mum would die. My smile may be bright, but for a few years I didn't really smile. I may laugh a lot now, but for a few years I didn't laugh.

 

So, see. I may seem perfect and I may seem close to being perfect because I'm not perfect. Like I said, I've done wrong people and wish to get my hands or yell at the people who hurt me deeply, and that I regret. But now, I try to fix my stupid mistakes I make.

 

"Speak to few and listen to many." Speak to few and listen to many because when we usually talk, we talk about something that truly matters to us. Listening is almost, always better. Now these days, a lot of people talk a lot and hardly listen. But at least, we know there's still people who listen. Speak to few and listen to many because sometimes talking can get you into trouble.

 

"Love all but trust few." Loving all, especially the people who hurt you, who put wounds and scars on you is hard to do. But it's not impossible; it's not. Loving all is possible and something we can all do as cliche and naive and childish as I sound, but it's true. 

 

But truly trust few because some people can break into so many pieces and they can hurt you badly and deeply. 

 

So, this is all, I think. I feel lighter now that I have that off my heart. Oh, also. I've been wanting to say this when a close friend of mine went through this: don't have anything to do with players UNLESS you really truly do think and know you're making a RIGHT choice. Try to think before you act, even though it;s hard doing that because like I said I'm one of those people who act before they think; which has its good and bad sides. 

 

Cheerio, mates! I might be back to write more of my lessons and random and complex thoughts, but who knows, haha. Cheerio! I hope and pray you all have a blessed day! 

 

 

Sincerely,

MissEmilyDickinson


The author's comments:

"Truly trust few, but love all. Speak to few, but listen to many. Do wrong to none."

 

Thank you for taking the time to read it, if you are. :) 

 

P.S. Haha, about swan picture I just picked that because I felt like that was the right picture, haha. 


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This article has 10 comments.


on Feb. 21 2015 at 10:37 pm
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

Thank you so much, Comet! What you say is so true, we truly wouldn't be where we are now in our lives. ^_^ Also, I missed you too, my sister! It has been long. I've been rather inconsistent with Teen Ink because of school and life, but I'm starting to get back on Teen Ink. But I'm not on as much as I was before, I'm sorry. :( Would you like my email address? I could give you my email address if you want. ^_^ I'm sorry I haven't commented on your work, also! I've bookmarked on your recent works and rated and liked it, but I haven't commented on your work for awhile and for that I apologize. :( Also, thank you so much for your sweet words and for encouraging me, it means so much to me. I too, need you too, my sister. ^_^ You're welcome, and thank you for your encouraging words. ^_^

on Feb. 20 2015 at 2:42 pm
TheComet PLATINUM, Mostaganem, Other
22 articles 1 photo 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret" -Ambrose Bierce
" Be yourself! Everybody else is already taken ;)"
"Don't go where the path leads you. Go instead where there's no path and leave a trail ;)"-R.W.Emerson

Dear Emily, what can I say?! You brought tears to my eyes ^_^ Tears of joy cuz reading your article made me feel so close to you. I also did some stupid things that I regret sometimes but mostly I nw that if I didn't I wouldn't be where I am now, Where I belong. We're so much alike dear sister. and by the way I missed you it's been so long we didn't talk to each other. I truly hope and pray that someday you'll find your true happiness and make the diffence you've always wanted in your life. You have a great talent and know that the world needs you, I need you my sweet sister. You're right life is a lesson and the courage to live if fully isn't in the one who never falls, it's rather in the one has the guts to stand back on feet when comes the fall. Thank you so much for sharing this and before I forget Happy New Year my dear. I'm so glad this year begun well for you ^_^

on Feb. 1 2015 at 10:22 am
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

Thank you, @bewareofbunnyrabbits. :)

on Feb. 1 2015 at 9:26 am
bewareofbunnyrabbits SILVER, Winona, Minnesota
8 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Empty yourself and let the universe fill you." -Yogi Tea

Sad and so beautiful. I am so glad you are doing better :)

on Jan. 7 2015 at 8:22 pm
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

Oh, gosh. To be honest, I almost wanted to cry after reading your comment. Your comment means to me a lot and has encouraged me a lot. Thank you so much! :) And to be honest again, I was very afraid of sharing this. I knew that I put a part of myself in this, my writing, but I felt like I had put so much of myself and the writing had taken so much of me that I was so scared and worried to share this. But I felt that I had to shared this, so I shared this. I'm truly glad that I shared/posted this and that I spoke honestly and straight from my heart. I wanted to go for that, so hearing you and other say that to me truly means a lot to me. :) Also, thank you for saying that I push forward and that I am a light to others; and just all in all, for encouraging me so much, my friend. I try too. I promise that I'll keep it up. :) You're welcome, but thank you! I truly mean it. And haha, yes. I'm not native to this country. I was born in the Philippines. Thank you so much, again! :)

on Jan. 7 2015 at 4:09 pm
Nightingale74 PLATINUM, Beavercreek, Ohio
46 articles 0 photos 152 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When you need something to believe in, believe in yourself."
"A poem unwritten is only a thought; unshared, unsaid..."

Absolutely beautiful, Emily!! It was very honest and straight from your heart, and I think that helped make this article even more empowering and inspiring :) I think it's so important that there are people like you in this world who have the courage to say what's on their mind, no matter what. Most of us are too scared to speak our minds because we're afraid of being rejected or hurt. But people like you give courage to those who are afraid to speak from their hearts :) Your words have touched me. Well I guess it wasn't so much your words as the feeling behind them. Like you, I often trust too much and look for the good in everyone and act before I think. So the lessons you've learned this past year are definitely something I'll have to keep in mind :P Also, I'm touched by your strength. Yes, you've had a rough past, and you may carry scars as proof of that, but you don't let that get you down. You push forward and are a light to others. Keep it up!! Thank you for posting this :))) Also, I didn't know you weren't native to this country, that's so neat!!

on Jan. 6 2015 at 9:00 pm
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

Thank you, @Niyaroo. :)

on Jan. 6 2015 at 12:41 pm
Niyaroo PLATINUM, Colonial Beach, Virginia
31 articles 4 photos 69 comments
This was beautiful:)

on Jan. 5 2015 at 9:46 pm
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

Thank you, @Hanban12. I'm truly glad you enjoyed it and that it spoke from the heart. Haha, I love the Shakespeare quotes too. :)Also, you're welcome! It was rather hard and after I submitted it, I wasn't sure why I submitted it when I was nervous about it. This is one of the few writings where I feel that I spoke from the heart and let myself go.Thank you, again. Your comment has encouraged me and means a lot to me. :)

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Jan. 5 2015 at 1:25 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

This is a very honest, raw, and powerful article you have written, Emily. It speaks from the heart and reaches out to anyone who reads it. I also love the quotes by Shakespeare you implemented, it ties everything together nicely. Thank you for putting your story out there too, it must have taken a lot of courage to do so. You are a very strong person; everyone can learn something from you. Keep writing, and especially keep up your optimism, you'll go very far :)