“Bye Mom,” is the last thing I said before I walked off towards the table with the rest of my friends. Behind me I heard my mom say, “Have a nice day Marianne.” In return I looked over my shoulder and flashed her a smile as she turned around and walked out of the kindergarden building. I settled into the seat next to one of my friends, they were busy talking away about something to do with a new toy they got. As I’m listening to the conversation I slid a piece of paper in front of me and picked up a blue crayon. I started to draw a picture of a cat, but while I was drawing I noticed that my other friend was using a red crayon. Figuring it must be cooler to use a red crayon I asked my friend, “Could you please pass me a red crayon?” They simply rolled it across the table, all the while searching my paper to try and get an inkling of what I was drawing. Finally they opened their mouth and asked what I was drawing. I reply back simply, “A cat.” Gaining interest in the picture they asked, “Can I help you draw!” With a big grin on my face I nodded yes, excited that they took interest in what I was doing. They picked up a green crayon and started to draw a dog. The minutes flew by and before we new it the whole paper was filled with all sorts of animals, green dogs, red cats, blue fish, there was even a purple dinosaur. As I finished drawing my second cat the teachers voice rang out among the room announcing that it was time to start school and that we should put away what we were doing and gather on the carpet.
The multitude of kindergardeners scurried over to the carpet as the teacher sat down in her rocking chair. Once we were all settled and had stopped fidgeting we started to work on simple math. The teacher wrote up on our mini chalk board 3 + 3, promptly followed by asking one of the students what the answer was. Class went on like usual and before I knew it we were focused on science. We were learning about which animals can be found in different environments, such as the land, sea, or the sky. She asked for examples, so naturally I raised my hand. “Yes Marianne,” she said. “Fish can be found in the sea,” I said. She went on to tell me I was correct, but at that point I’d stopped listening. Fish in the sea got me thinking about all the scary creatures that live on the ocean floor. I started to remember how in Finding Nemo the dad ran into one of those really scary fish with long teeth and the little light that hangs out above their head. I started to grimace and then laugh, remembering the face the dad made when he saw the fish. Hearing this, my friend next to me leaned towards me and whispered, “What’s so funny, what are you laughing at?” I begin to explain to him what I was thinking about, all the while the teacher was continuing on with the lesson. I was busy telling my friend about the  connection I made and mid sentence I heard the teacher say my name. Immediately I snapped my head towards the teacher, trying to make it seem like I hadn’t just been caught. I already knew that my face was getting red as I was waiting to see what the teacher was going to say. Finally they spoke up and my stomach dropped at the words I heard them utter out of their mouth. “Marianne, you know you shouldn’t be talking during a lesson, I’m going to have to ask you to sit behind the chalk board.” I slowly stood up, hanging my head in shame as I walked around the other students to the back side of the chalk board.
I slowly sat sat down, suddenly feeling isolated and cast off, seeing as how I was separate from the other students and couldn’t even see the chalk board anymore. I willed myself not to cry out of utter embarrassment that I had gotten in trouble. I’m sure it was only a matter of minutes that went by, but to me it seemed like forever. I couldn’t even pay attention to what the teacher was saying, all I seemed to be able to focus on were all the kids that I imagined were staring at me. I was brought out of my trance when what the teacher said finally resinated with me. “All right kids, you guys have free time before lunch.” As soon as I comprehended what she said I stood up and walked over to the reading corner that was filled with pillows. I sat down facing away from everyone else and proceeded to bury my head in the pillow while I cried.
A few minutes past and who I assumed was one of my friends tried to ask me if I was okay, no answer left my lips and at this they tried to pry the pillow away from my grip. I held on for dear life, not wanting to face the embarrassment that I was sure was awaiting me. Soon my friend gave up and eventually left. Numerous other people came over to me, asking me things like, “Are you okay?” “What’s wrong Marianne?” and “Come play with us.” Ignoring all of them I sat there for what felt like at least 30 minutes. Sooner or later it was time to go to lunch and I heard the teacher corralling all the students and getting them to line up. Once some of the students realized I wasn’t getting up, once again they tried to pry me away from the pillow. Realizing it was a lost cause, they went back in line and eventually they all left to go to lunch.
The room was silent, the only thing I could see was the yellow pillow in front of my face. I could hear the echo of foot steps coming towards the classroom from out in the hall. Quickly I buried by face back in the pillow. The foot steps got closer and eventually I could hear that it was the teacher kneeling down beside me. “Marianne, there’s no need to be hiding, it’s okay. Everyone gets in a little trouble sometimes. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, why don’t we go down to the cafeteria so you can eat lunch.” I sat there unmoving pondering what my next move would be. Slowly the teacher removed the pillow from my hands and coaxed me to stand up. We walked in silence down the hallway and in to the cafeteria, immediately engulfed by the sounds of little kids enjoying their food and talking to friends. Once securely in the cafeteria the teacher left, leaving me to find my way over to my friends. Eventually I spotted them among all the small bodies. Slowly walking over to them and slid into and empty seat. Not a word was said about the endeavor that I had just gone through, the rest  of the day went by in a blur.
Looking back on this moment in my life has made me realize a few things about my self. The biggest being that I put a lot of pressure on my self and I’m easily influenced by what I assume others think about me. That’s exactly what happened in this story, I got in trouble and I was ashamed about what everyone was thinking about me. Caring so much about what others were thinking led to the situation getting a lot worse than it should have been. I’ve realized that I still am self conscious at this point in my life and it is something I am working on, because I don’t want to limit my self because I care too much about what others think of me.