I dreamt about you again.
I don't know why I'm still impressed, since there hasn't really been a long period of time during which my mind did not conjure a dream for you and I. Well, for me. About us. One where I still see you and speak to you, as I would if we saw each other in the real life.
How odd. Aren't dreams escapes from reality? Aren't they supposed to be different from our everyday life? When I dream of you, though, there's no difference. I'm still me and you're still you. You're still leaving and you were never mine.
Well, you were never mine because you could never belong to anyone. Not even to that one person who took you away from me. No, you weren't taken away from me, because I never had a hold on you. You were simply next to me; just when I was about to get the courage to take you by the right hand, someone grabbed your left one and ran away with your heart. Now there's just me, rocking on the ground and wondering why I didn't move faster. All I had to do was hold your hand, but I couldn't even tell my fingers to twitch enough to touch your skin. I'm rocking on the ground because if I stop moving, I'll start crying.
I don't deserve to cry, though. It was my fault, my cowardice, my absence which pushed you into another's arms. No, not pushed. You weren't forced and you weren't neglected. You just neglected me, because humans are weak creatures that, without affection, will die. We're forgetful and regretful, but worth it anyways.
So why am I still impressed every time I dream of you? You're gone, and soon there will be no trace left of you in my heart. You'll be another beautiful memory to be locked away deep within my heart. But you're here now, in my heart, and now you're still a bitter reality I can't wish away. The only thing that makes the dreams better is that with every night that passed by, your role went from principal to secondary, until some day it'll go from incidental to absent. When will that be? When will the beautiful nightmares fade?
When I want them to disappear.
That's when I won't dream of you again.