Tuesday April 22 is a day I will never forget as long as I live. That day started out as any other day. I woke up and said a little prayer for my mom like I had been doing for the past couple weeks. She was going through a medical situation and I just wanted everything to be ok. I honestly thought everything was going to be ok. My mom had found a lump in her left breast on the night of prom and I was convinced that it was nothing. The idea of breast cancer never even crossed my mind. All I could think was, ‘It could never happen to my mom. My mom is superwoman, nothing ever gets her down.’ I went about the rest of my day not really worrying about my mom at all. Halfway through the day I got a text from my mom that said her friend Pilar was going to be picking me up after school. I didn’t think anything was wrong because she had been helping my mom out a lot lately. I called my mom on the way home and she sounded really sick, like she had a frog stuck in her throat but I knew she wasn’t sick. I still didn’t suspect anything. I was completely oblivious. Once Pilar dropped me off she just left. That’s when I started to think something was up. She always came inside to see how my mom was doing. She was acting like my mom had H1N1 and she didn’t want to catch it. I still didn’t really think about it. I rang the doorbell and my neighbor Savannah answered the door. My heart instantly fell to my stomach. I felt butterflies whirling around inside me and I thought I was going to throw up. I stepped inside slowly and smiled when I saw my neighbor Co sitting next to my mom at the dining room table. ‘This is bad,’ I thought to myself. I felt like I was walking into my own intervention. I already knew what was coming but it didn’t make hearing it any easier.

“Hi,” I said to Co as happily as I could.

“Hi,” she said, crumpling up the used tissue she had in her hand.

I dropped my stuff off on the kitchen counter and sat down across from Co. I examined her short hair just barely grown out to her shoulders. She looked amazing since she’s been in remission. I then slowly turned my attention to my mom, who could barely look me in the eye. “Honey, “ she started, “I got the results back, and I did test positive for breast cancer.”

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. My entire world stopped. My mother. My brave mother who raised a child basically alone. Who almost got through a divorce before her husband died in the process leaving her to be a widow. My rock, had breast cancer. I never thought in a million years that my mom would ever have breast cancer; or any type of serious sickness for that matter. Her face blurred as soon as the tears welled up in my eyes and as soon as Savannah came and gave me a hug I started bawling.
Once I composed myself Co said to me, “Listen, it’s not a death sentence. Your mom will get through this.” Of course I wanted to think positive and believe that, but theres always that thought in the back of my mind that there are cells inside my mom’s body that could kill her and there’s nothing I can do. All I could do was look down at my hands as I folded them in my lap.
I honestly didn’t hear any of what Co said as she explained the ins and outs of breast cancer and the whole process to get healthy. It was just a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo and I wasn’t in the mood to try and follow what they were saying. I just kept trying to hold back the tears as I thought about this cancer eating at my mothers body. My phone started blowing up with people texting me about how sorry they were. I couldn’t even read them without bursting into tears. I didn’t want to hear it or see it. I couldn’t even figure out how to tell my dad. The hardest thing was thinking that he wouldn’t even care. He and my mom never had the best relationship. My mom was convinced that he would step up and help but he wouldn’t. So I promised my mom that if he wouldn’t step up, I would. Once Co and Savannah finally left, I was so in shock that I went about the rest of my night as if nothing had happened. I ate dinner, watched some TV and got ready for bed. As soon as I was about to go to bed my mom called me out into the living room.
“Honey, come sit down and talk to me,” she said. I did as I was told and let my body sink into the giant cushions of our couch.
“What’s Up.”
“How are you feeling about all this?” I lost it.
“I...I don’t know...what we’re...going to...do. Mom… I’m so...scared,” I blubbered in between sobs. “I feel like it’s my fault. Stress is a big cause of this and I know that raising me alone and everything in the past 5 years since Erik died has been all on your shoulders. I’m so sorry mom!” I was uncontrollably crying now. I couldn’t even look at my mom without crying.
“Oh my god! Don’t ever in a million years think that you gave me this cancer,” she said looking so disturbed that I would even think that. She grabbed my hand and continued, “We are going to get through this. Together. You have to be strong for me. I know you have been through so much but you really have to step up and help me.” I nodded. “It’s going to be a hard journey and our lives will change but we will get through this.”
I got up and moved to the other couch where she was sitting and gave her a huge hug. “Look at the brightside,” I said, “ You can have different hair style everyday if you want.”
“Damn right. And, I’m going to lose a lot weight.”
“You’re gonna be a hot mama!” We both laughed. I was glad we were able to find the “Pink” Lining in this whole situation.
I knew that I really had to grow up and take care of a lot more responsibilities around the house than I was used to. That is easier said than done. I’ve always thought that I was so grown and that I can depend on myself. That could not be farther from the truth. My mom has done everything for me for 17 years and to realize that she couldn’t do anything for me anymore was hard. I always thought that losing my step-dad forced me to lose my innocence, but it didn’t. I was too young to even know what was really going on. My mom getting breast cancer was the biggest wake up call to how cruel the world can really be. No one ever thinks that their mother will get breast cancer. I kept wondering why my mom? Everything that that woman has been through and this is what she gets? I’m almost 18 years old and I’ve never really had to grow up and be independent. I can’t even work my own washing machine and my DIY skills are less than non existant. I don’t even think they will ever develop. Living alone with someone who has cancer forces you to make things happen for yourself. My mom can’t really take me shopping anymore because she has to pay her medical bills. My mom probably won’t make it to all of my events because she will be too sick from the chemo. I’ve learned really quick that this is not only going to change her life but mine as well. I realize what it is to not depend on your mother and to care for someone other than yourself. I realize that life really isn’t fair. This cancer chose to manifest in my moms body even though she has been through hell and back a million times in life. Growing up was never hard for me until now. I have to watch my mother fight for her life and there’s nothing I can do about it. She’s going to be sick but I know she will get better. Her and I have a long road ahead of us, but like everything else in the past 17 years, we’ll get through it together.