“I’m having trouble deciding which role I want to play: the girl with cancer perks getting people to do stuff for her, or, the girl who acts strong trying to do everything for herself when she knows shes too weak to,” I sighed, sitting up from the hospital bed. The constant beeping of the heart monitor stirring in the background. I winced as the needle in my arm shifted. I pressed the button asking for more analgesia, immediately feeling the calming sensation as the fluid entered my body.

“Out of everything you’re worried about is that what you’re really thinking about Allie?” Jackson laughed as he shook his head. He pulled up a chair beside me, sitting on it backwards, gazing at me intensely with his grey eyes.

“Stop looking at me like that,” I muttered, looking away towards the window. Watching the tree flicker shadows of distorted leaves onto the open field. Wheelchairs and walkers strolling across the park. I squinted as the sunlight streamed at an angle directly into my eyes, momentary blindness, a blurred vision.

“How are you really feeling?” he murmured, placing a hand on mine, pale with freckles, skin and bones compared to his.

“You mean besides the cancer running through almost my entire body? Marvelous actually,” I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

“Allie,” his voice cracked, “I mean it.”

I stayed silent for a minute, watching his thumb rub circles on my hand. Big circles, small circles, the constant movement of touch encircling my palm.

“I didn’t think it would be possible,” I paused, looking up to meet his eyes. “I mean I’ve heard stories of cancer. Some that took people’s lives, some from the cancer survivors themselves, I just never thought it could actually be possible. It all happened so fast I mean, last week I was out dress shopping for our grad and I-I”

“Now you’re left with anything from 3-6 months,” he whispered finishing my sentence.

“Why didn’t I feel any symtoms? No vommiting, no pain, how could I not have known?”

“None of us knew I mean-”

“But it’s my body how could I-” The rest of my sentence was drowned by my sobbing.

“Please don’t cry, Allie please,” Jackson murmured, sitting carefully onto the hospital bed, the crisp white sheets pooling beneath his weight. He kissed my hair, hugging me tightly, our bodies presed together as if something could tear us away from eachother at any moment. Something like death.

“I’m not ready to go yet,” I sniffled into his shirt, inhaling his scent.

“I know,” he whispered, “I know.” We sat like that; Me in my hospital gown, him in his blue jeans and white v-neck shirt, his arms embracing me as I tried to control the sobbing mess I was.

“We’re going to be okay,” he muttered, pulling away and sitting in front of me.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, a sense of strength as he spoke, lifting my chin so our eyes met in the middle.

“I love you. I know love won’t save you from the cancer, but know that I’ll be here. Even when you’re frail and unable to speak anymore, I’ll read you “Nancy Drew Mysteries” everyday and wheelchair you out myself so that you can feel the sunshine on your skin. We can’t stop time and the nature of events, but we can try and make the most of it,” he nodded as he picked up his backpack and placed it beside him. He pulled out sheets of loose paper and markers as he handed me one of each.

“What’s this for?” I questioned, removing the cap off the marker.

“We,” he said, motioning to the two of us, “are going to make a list of things to complete before you-” he paused.

“die… Things to do before I die,” I whispered, finishing his sentence.

“I’m sorry Allie I didn’t-”

“Hey, its not your fault, we have to face it. It’s okay to use that word. I’m okay,” I smiled weakly, placing my hand in his. He smiled back, holding my hand gently in his.

“Let’s get started,” he chuckled, the constant beeping of the heart monitor stirring in the background.