I arrived home to Toronto from my eight week trip to New York City and I was relieved. This trip was supposed to be everything I wanted, rather it revealed to me every ugly truth I needed to know. You know the saying "be careful what you wish for" ? Well it could never have been more real and its meaning could never have resonated with me more than it did during my trip.
I had dreamed of living with my father because he was lenient, he spoiled me, and he lived in NEW YORK CITY! The city of lights, the city where dreams come true, and the city that never sleeps. I had regrets about begging my father to live with my mom, mainly because she was stern, and as a child it seemed like everything happened in New York. So, when my dad drove eight hours to pick me up on November 27th, 2009 I was ecstatic. Prior to his arrival I bragged to my classmates and said my farewells. When I got home I packed my bag and I could not sleep that night, excitement had become my leading cause to insomnia.

I had not been to New York since my last visit in the summer of 2006. I was now at the age where I began to question what I was told and I did not take information at face value. I was learning to appreciate the little things in life and the true gifts of life more so than materialistic things. My father always bought me gifts and whatever it was that I would desire, but he was never there for my graduations, birthdays and other monumental celebration. All the gifts that he sent me for these special occasions were either lost, thrown away, or put into storage. However, one thing that has forever been synced into my memory is my mom's endless love for me and her support which surpassed all of the gifts. I never compared the measures of their love for me, well not initially. As a a young girl, my father and I had a very strong relationship that my mother admired and praised, although she and my father were not on the best terms she was happy that I had such an excellent bond with him. At the time I was his 'favorite' child. However, despite the apparent strength of our relationship he always tried to pour a pestilence in my ears. He would say that my mother didn't really love me, when she would punish me, he would try to work and build on that. At first it worked but as I got older and spent more time with this woman, his manipulative methods would bother me, but never enough to change my relationship with either parent.

One night I sat down, cuddled in my dad's arms and we began to catch up on things. I told him about school, my trips, and then my sister's doctor report. My sister is a special education development and delayed child, the reason behind this medical abnormality is due to missing chromosomes. Well that was the wrong thing to say because my father then replied saying "that is not true, your mother is lying, she didn't want your sister so she drank bitters" to which I replied, "Mommy didn't tell me anything I heard the doctor say that first hand." He went on to say more and before I knew it, it was no longer him just trying to tell me something but it was now a choice. A choice of which parent I would choose, and when it comes to my father, if you do not agree with him then you are automatically placed in the category of those against him. Ultimately I was compelled to choose, and although I did not express opposition to any one parent in particular, my choice to stand up for the truth selected a side for me. I believe that asking a child to pick sides, in a parental dispute should be illegal, there are some things that should remain out of a child’s reach. Standing up for what I knew destroyed my relationship with my father. I disagreed not with what he would say entirely, because realistically speaking, the only knowledge I have of the history between my parents was acquired by word of mouth and not my own recollection. However, I disagreed with his judgement. I was treated differently and I felt hated, unloved, and alone. I felt that I had done something wrong for loving both my parents. I was lied on by my father when I tried to explain myself to his family and I was put down by some of his family members. It went from a parent feud to a family feud, but throughout it all I was always reminded that I was loved and appreciated by my mom, her side of the family, her friends, my friends, and even some of my fathers siblings who were no longer under his good grace.

So, when I returned to Toronto on January 10, 2010 I wrapped my arms around my mother with gratitude. I was grateful for the way she raised me, I was grateful for the word 'no'. My mom never gave me everything I wanted but she gave me all that I needed. She ensured that when the time came I would be able to fend for myself and I would depend less on her and others. For the first time I was aware of my mom’s sacrifices and I truly acknowledged her love. Often times when adversity hits our lives, instead of standing up for what we know to be right and just, we take a seat, a seat for injustice and immorality. We take the easy way out because it benefits us. I have grown immensly by this experience and I realize that I am going to have to make difficult decisions. I didn't have to wait until I was on my own to have my eyes opened, reality hit at an early age which paved the way for challenges I may encounter in the future.