On a Sunday in October 2013 I was in my room laying on the rug going threw boxes that were in my room from were we moved in. I saw this old black purse I had, I was looking through the purse and inside the purse there were these coffee stirs I had that were from the hospital that my dad was in. I used to play pickup sticks with it and his friends, and brought up everything and took me back to that awful time.

It was December 2011 and my dad was battling cancer and he finally got out of the hospital after being in there for days. I felt like everything was going to be just fine because the doctors promised me and told me not to worry, so I didn't. When my family finally came home we were taking care of my Dad and making sure everything was all right. When my dad was home I really didn't worry, I felt like everything was going to just fine like all the doctors kept telling me.

After a few days had passed, on December 18th, my dad’s condition worsened. I thought it was the medicine that was troubling him. However, in the early morning on the 19th as I lay sleeping in my bed I heard my dad tell my mom that he wanted to go up to the hospital. I woke up and asked them if everything is all right, and they reassured me and sent me back to bed. He just had to go to the hospital, and they told me to go back to sleep. As I was returning to my bed I reminded them that tomorrow is my birthday and went right back to sleep.

When I woke up later that morning I was told that Shane my sister’s friend would be taking my siblings to the hospital, my dad was still there. When we got there my dad was lying on the hospital bed with needles in his arm. I went up to my mom and dad and asked if he is going to be all right? They both said yes. I kept asking more questions started feeling little less calm, but when the doctors came in the room my mom asked them if my dad needs to be here tomorrow. She explained that it was my birthday, but the doctors said yes. I began to burst into tears. I didn't want my dad to be at the hospital on my 12th birthday. I really didn't understood why he had to be there if everything was ok, but I didn't ask, I just kept crying and worrying.

Later on in the afternoon my dad had to be put in the I.C.U, which annoyed me because you had to be 18 years or older to be in there and it was like that because of all the bacteria and illnesses people had. So I couldn’t see my Dad for the rest of the day.

The next day it was December 20th and it was my birthday. I had to wake up without seeing my Dad, it made me feel really sad. Before we got to the hospital to see my Dad my mom took me, my little brother Nicky, and older brother Tj to breakfast. While we were eating I got texts from my Dad. It made me feel a little bit better even though I wanted him here at the diner with us. Later when we were at the hospital the doctors said I would get to see my Dad soon because it was my birthday. I was very excited about that.


After a few hours have passed waiting to see my Dad, my mom said to come here. A doctor wanted to talk to me before I saw my Dad. He got on one knee and said to me that if the medicine didn’t work there is a chance that my dad could die. When he told me that I was shocked. I felt like someone shot me in the heart. I had a lot of different emotions. I felt angry because he told me that, when the doctors said he was going to be fine and not to worry but then I felt sad because I didn’t want anything horrible happening to my dad. Also I felt scared because when he told me that I didn’t know what to believe anymore of what the doctors say. I started shaking like a leaf when he told me the terrible news and started yelling at him. When all that was done they brought me to my Dad’s room. My Dad said happy birthday but I really didn’t care about my birthday anymore; I was just worried about my Dad and wanted him to come home. Later on, a few of my Dads friends came and helped us with everything.


In the middle of the night my mom got a phone call from the hospital saying that she needs to come up to the hospital as quickly as she can. She hanged up. My Mom and older brother Tj left. That night I couldn’t sleep.

The next morning my little brother Nicky and I called my Mom and asked if the medicine worked, she said no. When we heard that we started bawling our eyes out. My sister Allison, Nicky and I left the house and rushed to the hospital. We were at the hospital and the first thing we did was go to the little church the hospital had and prayed. Then we ran up to the waiting room next to the I.C.U and waited for my Mom to tell us about what is going on. She came to us and told us that he needed to be put on a machine because he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. I was terrified but I just kept thinking my Dad was going to be ok.

When a few hours have passed the doctors went into a small room with my Mom and was talking to her about everything, I wasn’t allowed in the room though, so I was on the edge of my seat wanting to know what they were saying. The doctors were done talking to her, my Mom came out crying and went to everyone and said that the doctors are going to keep giving him medicine but still if nothing is working then they are going to give up. I was furies and sad because the doctors lied to me the whole time. To calm myself down I just kept thinking my Dad was going to be ok.

The next day was December 22nd and when we got to the hospital I didn’t know what to expect, I was scared. The morning was calm and I was playing cards with my Dads friends in the small room. Until my Mom and the doctors said we had to leave because they needed to talk again. So we waited and we were playing in a different room. At that moment I saw my Mom with tears rushing down her face. she looked at everyone and told us that the doctors did everything they could do but nothing is working and he is going to pass away tonight. When she said that I felt like walls were caving in on me. I was upset because, I was lied to by the doctors. However, I felt sad because my Dad was going die that night and just couldn’t believe it.

A few hours later when I was laying on the floor crying nonstop, a nurse came up to me and says she understood and that she lost her Dad at young age as well. It helped a little but not enough to stop me from crying.

Later on I finally stopped crying and took my mind off everything by playing cards with one of my Dads friend. Then all of the sudden my Mom came in the room, crying harder than she ever did and holding a pile of tissues in her hands. She sat everyone down and told us that he is in heaven now. At that moment I felt sick, I was lied to, I lost my Dad and I really didn’t know what to do at that point or what was going to happen next. When that awful conversation past I felt really sad and it wasn’t just because my Dad was gone, but I just wished he could have been alive for a few more days and still would have got a few more things to say to him.

After a few minutes staying in silence trying to figure out what to do next. We left the hospital, it was really hard to leave but we managed to do it. My sister’s best friend came to our house to stay for a little while. My sister’s best friend took the same car with us and in that car there was just one emotion everyone had in the car, sadness.

Later on that night I watched some TV and tried to make myself laugh and smile like my Dad would have wanted me to. When my sister’s friend left we went to sleep even though it was hard to, and I just kept thinking that my Dad would always watch us, and also thought what is the next step in our life.

Now ever since my Dad passed away stars always meant a lot more to me, even though I always loved stars. I always loved to make a wish upon a star and even watch the stars. Why the stars meant a whole lot more to me is because when my Dad passed away there were these two stars that always looked like eyes I know that my Dad is watching my whole family and is given us signs for everything.

It has been almost two years and I am 13 years old going to be 14 in December. However I do know that I am getting stronger and so is my family. With everything that has happened I understand and grown a lot more since my Dad died, that you have to have hope for everything and everyone and never give up. I knew that before all of that happened but I guess I really didn’t think about it as much as I do now. What I also understand more since growing up and been through so much, is that you always need to keep trying and stay on the right path of life. Just like the person who have passed in your life and is looking down on you right now would want you to.