Words are what make humans…human. Without words, there would be nothing to set us apart from all other species. Without words, we would be lost in a turbulent sea of animals, separated by nothing but the fact that we look stupid in the winter because we have no fur to protect ourselves from the cold. But if words are what make us so utterly unique, why do we waste them on such trivial things like the newest iPhone or the best deals at the mall? I have been self-diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It’s a statement that I still choose not to make because it’s a statement that still hurts to think about. But the truth is, if I’m hurting, there must be millions of other people out there that are hurting in exactly the same ways that I am.

I believe that sometimes it’s like my lungs are filled with ice, that they’ll freeze me from the inside out and my whole body wants to run, cry, or some combination of the two. I believe that sometimes it’s like I’m going too fast on the teacups, that world around me is flashing by, and I’m panicking but no one seems to notice. I believe that sometimes it’s like my chest is so tight that the bars of iron wrapped around my ribs are about to burst and my heart is about to erupt. And I believe that sometimes it’s all of these things, but the worst of all is when it’s nothing. When I’m trying to feel and breathe and think damn it, think damn it, think-and all that’s left is nothing but a hole.

I believe that I am the girl whose life could have been wasted. I believe that there are still times when I want to lock the bathroom door; times when I want to swallow a bottle of pills and disappear, leaving nothing behind but a note that says ‘tell my baby sister it’s not her fault’. Except, I also believe that my baby sister is the reason I’m still here, and that life is not something you choose to be given, but it is something you have to learn to choose.

I believe that I may not know what happens when I die, but what happens while I’m still alive, is what I choose to leave with this world. I guess what I’m saying is, I believe in life. I believe in the power of hugs and kisses and my baby sisters beautiful brown eyes. I believe in making things work, even when it feels like my lungs are filled with ice, or I’m going too fast on the teacups. And sure, sometimes I still want to lock that bathroom door, but the idea of disappearing is microscopic compared to the idea that the words ‘you’re worth it’ can change someone’s whole day. And words are what make me human, so I believe in using them.