It engulfs you, it suffocates you, its arms are constantly clenched around you. No matter how large of muscles you have, no matter how hard you try to pull the arms of it away, it becomes not enough. And the gasps for air become not enough. You see everyone else, and they seem to be breathing just fine. Their breaths are slow and relaxed, and you wonder why it is you that is gasping for air. You feel different, but not good different. The type of different that people turn their heads away from. The type of different that everybody tries to ignore despite the fact that it's so painfully obvious. And you don't want to be different but it won't take its damn arms away from your neck. So here you are, battling the biggest enemy you've ever known: sadness.
Now, there's nothing beautiful about sadness. So many times I've seen people label sadness as beautiful. You can write poetry and put in however many line breaks you want. And you can try to ignore the fact that people might be in pain, and throw that poetry together and say that you understand sadness. The fact is, you don't understand sadness. Sadness is not beautiful. Sadness is painful. Sadness is brutal. It makes you feel hopeless. It makes you blind to good things, and it makes all the bad things so painfully clear. Please tell me how laying in your bed for days contemplating whether or not your life has value is beautiful. Please tell me how hating yourself so much you cannot bear to look at your own reflection is beautiful. Please tell me how crying silent tears at night so no one hears you is beautiful. Explain to me how you are able to label something so painful, beautiful. It's ugly and it's unwanted and it consumes you and it's just so unbelievably far from beautiful.

I'll tell you what beautiful is. Beautiful is when your eyes tear up during a cartoon movie, and you feel stupid and look over at your mom next to you, and see tears in her eyes too. Beautiful is being able to look at someone you loved and lost and watch them smile and feel okay because you know they're happy. Beautiful is the woman with no makeup on. Beautiful is the rawest form of your laugh. Beautiful is the smile that lights up a room, as well as the smile from someone who rarely smiles. Beautiful is getting that person to smile, and smiling yourself because you made somebody else happy. Beautiful is the smile on your face when you wake up late in the morning and throw your hair up and go to school and someone tells you that you look great. Beautiful is defying your parents and going out in the middle of the night with your friend to have a dance party in the street. And, most importantly, beautiful is you.

The truth of all of this is that nobody is going to save you. We were put on this Earth as individuals, and that's what we will, ultimately, be our entire lives. There are so many outside variables and distractions but you've got to learn to forget those things. You need to stop staring out the window for days on end, waiting for a guy in a cape to fly in and sweep you off your feet. Because I swear to you, it's never going to happen. For god's sake, be your own superhuman. I waited long enough and got hurt enough times to realize that nobody is going to treat you exactly the way you want to be treated. In fact, some people will completely destroy things you thought you knew and they'll put a lot of questioning thoughts in your head. But, the thing I need you to realize, is that everybody has their own tragedy. And in the end, we are all just people, and the only person that you ever have to answer to is yourself. The only person you ever have to be enough for is yourself. And no matter how many nights you spent crying, you're still here. You have to learn to let yourself be good enough. And you have to believe in it. You owe it to yourself. Because when it is all said and done, sadness is not beautiful... you are.