There was a girl so terrible, her ice cold eyes bore through me. Her life seemed to be focused on destroying the enjoyment of my existence. I was convinced she didn’t have a conscience. I hated her cocky smile. Just one eye roll, and I had to restrain myself from punching her. She alone controlled her clique, and I was part of it. Until I found her dagger in my back. It slowly killed a part of me.

She gossiped behind my back. She hypnotized me to do things I didn’t want to do. I laughed at things that weren’t funny. I gossiped about people that once were my friends. I felt like I was forced to listen to things I didn’t want to hear; like somebody froze my body in place so i couldn’t say anything or walk away. Was I really forced to listen, or forced to hear? I was hurting myself. I felt like I had to improve myself just to earn their friendship. I was straightening my hair to the point of almost burning it off. My face constantly broke out from all the make-up I was wearing. I was wasting tons of money on clothing that I didn’t even like. I had become fake.

My friends started to block me from walking with them, walking too fast or even pushing me away. They would say I was worth nothing to them, that i should run away and disappear. None of them would sit by me, or talk to me in class. I got confused and lost. I forgot how I had gotten to that point. Soon, I was told that my nemesis had convinced my friends to betray me. She had said that I wasn’t worthy enough to be near them. It hurt, and I became a victim of bullying. I let them bully me. I was their raggedy ann doll.

Somedays it would get so bad, I cried myself a lullaby. I would wake up to a wet pillow and a worried mother. I convinced her I had a bad dream. The fear and stress bundled up inside of me, tying knots. I was considering anorexia, bulimia, and cutting myself. I never went through with any of them.

I put up with lies and cries for weeks. I dreaded going to school daily. I didn’t want to sit through fights at the lunch table, or listen to the “daily drama” during home room. I didn’t want to hear who said what about me. I didn’t want the eyes of hatred burning into my head. Especially since those same eyes once warmed my heart.

I knew what they were doing to me was wrong, but I didn’t have the courage to say so. Every insult that was screamed in my face, added weight to the burden. One day I just snapped. To my surprise, multiple people caught my pieces, and put them back together. Hope, it had always been there to catch me. Friendship, it pushed me forward. Love, it embraced me and restored my courage. My conscience, they one thing that told me to stand up for myself. Light, it opened my eyes to truth.

They were molding me into who they wanted as a friend. I should be liked for I already am! So, I formed strong friendships that boosted my self-esteem, not put it down. I told my family members what was happening, and they didn’t judge me. I started to realize, I don’t need to change myself. I’m me! No matter how many times I will be gossiped about, or betrayed, I’m me. That is who I will always be.