The day had finally came for me to say good bye to someone who was nothing but hostile and wicked towards me. Although I will not remember her for all the horrible things she had both said and did to me, but instead the little good times we shared, I can’t say that I will miss her.

I held my momma's hand, as we trailed behind the crowd of individuals wearing all black inside the church. I heard people saying, “Oh de' Lord has finally called her home, where she is pain free. Let us remember this day as we close the coffin to one of God's angels”, and all I could think about was the abuse this woman had put me through and how no one knew what she was behind a closed door. My momma always told me “What you do behind closed doors will always come to the light.” but in this case this woman got lucky. I sat in the back of the church with my momma, sister, auntie, great auntie, and cousin, having a ‘ball’ while others mourned the death of their loss. Heads turned towards us and I remember my cousin shouting “What y'all looking at? Never seen people have fun at a funeral rather than crying like a fool?” Everyone gasped in disbelief cause of her comment.


My auntie walked up to the podium to read a poem, which my momma had written, for my grand momma after she passed. She was dressed a black leather dress that seemed so tight that she had to hold her breath. As she walked, I notice she was taking her time. She came back and said, practically whispering, that she had a split in her dress and my momma’s family laughed at her, including myself.
People began to line up next to the wall and my momma asked if I wanted to see her before they close coffin. I hesitated for a minute and said yes. When I was half way to the front of the church I changed my mind, I wouldn't know how to react if I was to see her body. My momma turned around and pushed our way through the crowd of people standing to see a dead body. She looked at me and asked “Chile, why you wait till the last minute to say no?” I just shrugged my shoulders. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked, I told her I didn't know but truth was, I was remembering the time I was punished for crying for my momma, when she had left me at my grand momma’s house for a night. I tried to put it out of my mind but the memories just kept flowing.


My cousin had come back from viewing the body, unfortunately my momma’s side of the family has no shame, and my cousin started talking about how bad it smelt and how she wanted to throw up. Then began questioning how they had fit my grand momma in the coffin with her big ole hump on her back. Pastor Priestor preached and I couldn't hear him because I got distracted by my momma and auntie, so my great auntie sat in between them both. I felt bad for her because she was tiny and my momma was leaning over her to whisper to my auntie. I was surprised when my great auntie opened her mouth, “You better stop that damn leaning on me, I know that” she said to my momma. Instantly momma apologized.


Everyone began to leave the church and have conversations outside. I saw my uncle, on my dad’s side, and he asked me how I was doing. Then my momma invited him to come to our house where she had prepared some food. I also saw my father and my family shared their sympathy for the loss of his mother when he had approached me, like everyone else did, and asked “How are you holding up?” I didn't think people really understood how I felt, I was at a funeral for someone who had abused me mentally, emotionally,verbally and physically but, she was my grand momma. I felt relieved of her passing because she could no longer hurt me. At the age of 9, can you believe that's what was on my mind? As the men of her family carried the casket into the hearses, my family and I stood next to it indulging in our own conversation, about what a funeral that was and how they always make a fool out of themselves at funerals when they are together, as a family. I turned around to look at the casket when the door was close and said my final goodbye to my once abuser “You're in a better place now”.