Prelude

Being myself at the age of a young adult never really went as I had planned. The struggle of life most times was to much to bare. Some days I couldn’t handle life and other days I just let it go. My name is Stephanie, I hope I help others that read this to see that life does move on and it can lead to great things. No matter the issue you CAN make is through. Life can be so unfair, but as it goes on you learn so much about yourself. The good and of course the bad. This short story is for all of you who don’t think they can make it. I’m here to tell you…that you can.

My parents were so perfect for each other in my eyes. There names are Jon and Lori. They met through friends and family and before you know it… my dad popped the question. Of course she said yes and they got married in September. My mother soon became pregnant with my older brother. Unfortunately my mother suffered from a miscarriage. She was devastated and depressed and cried whenever she had to explain to a friend or family member that she had lost her baby. Then my mother got pregnant for me! Ahh, I remember being an only child. Haha, but it only lasted for 1 year and 2 months exactly. Which is when she had my little brother James. Me and my brother got along so well. Yes, we had our occasional fights but we did everything together. At the age of 6 my mother explained her miscarriage to me and my brother and told us that the day after she was sent home from the hospital she went to lay down in bed and she had a glorious dream. She said an angel visited her in her sleep to tell her that her baby was in a better place and not to worry anymore. Tears ran down me and my brothers face. Seeing the look of devastation on her face broke my heart. She was such a strong women who stood up for her children no matter what. Remembering back to 2nd grade when I got my first boyfriend (who believe it or not cheated on me with my best friend) my mother found out and went up to my school to ask him what he was doing to her poor daughter. He replied with a look of nervousness and walked away. She always knew what to say. Let’s move on to my father. Gosh, my dad is like superman. As a child he would carry me on his shoulders every night and put me and my brother to bed. He does so well at being a dad, i’m very proud of him. My parents are the best. Back in third grade is when I started to believe that the only way to survive school was to be popular. All I would do is try to fit in with everyone cool and do what they do. For example, I was nothing but a bully and rude. That lasted till about the middle of 4th grade when my mother began to take me and my brother to church.

At that age, after I hear what people had to say at church I started to believe God was the only who could understand me. Soon after that I started 6th grade and that is when everything went south. First off, I was as fake as it gets. Doing whatever I could to be popular. Then I decided to let it go and just try to make friends by being myself. Which was hard because many people didn’t like me.. but at the point I didn’t even like myself. There was one group of people that actually seemed like they were true friends. My best friend was Jessica. We were so close I really did consider her my best friend. One day for some reason I don’t know, everyone got mad at Jessica and pretty much kicked her out of the group. Being the good person I was trying to be I stayed with Jessica like a good friend would. Then one day they decided to forgive Jessica but..not me. In my head I was thinking “she wont leave me, I mean I was there for her so she’ll be there for me”. Oh boy was I wrong. No, she ditched me and left me all alone with no one…I mean no one. I became nothing but a stereotype after that. I got soo excited when someone would come talk to me. Yet half the time is was to call me fat or zit face. Middle school began to take it’s toll on me. All the stress messed with my head and I began to hear voices that would tell me to do horrible things to myself. Suicidal attempts became an every week thing. Cutting became my new favorite hobby. Everyday after school I would hold my tears in but once I got in the car I would bawl my eyes out to my mother. Everything was just crashing down on me. I no longer knew what I was going to do with my life or how long it was going to last. The counselor of the school was no help. I sat alone at lunch everyday. No one wanted to sit next to the crazy emo girl…not one person.

School became hell for me. The teasing and bullying was hitting me harder and harder each and every day. Now if someone were to talk to me it would be the same question with everyone. “Can I see your wrists?” It hurt so bad to know people could be so cruel. I begged my old friends to take me back. They just laughed in my face and denied me every time…. no matter how hard I cried. I received notes from people telling me to go kill myself. One guy even called me Ms. Suicide.. everyday. Eighth grade came around and I met a girl named Kelly. She had some of the same issues as me for example, “cutting”. We became best friends and I was happy once again. One day I went to spend the night at her house and made the mistake of tearing up my arm in her bathroom. She then no longer talked to me and once again I was lonely. I couldn’t stand middle school but it finally change when I got those three looooooong years over with.

High school was a new start for me. I met the most amazing teacher ever, his name is Manny Garcia. He was such an inspiration to me and was always there for me. He was just great. I also loved the kids in that class. They all had some kind of mental disorder but I would always look right past it. Those kids just made school worth going to. A few kids really cheered me up. For example, Christina was a sweetheart, Jeffery was my little dork, and Kurtis was my entertainer. I adored that class. Life was gong great till sophomore year came around and one of the worse things that could of happened to anyone.. actually happened to me. My mother got a notice from her doctor that she has kidney cancer. The doctor then explained that one of the kidneys must be removed. So, they removed the kidney and said mom had pulled through and the cancer was gone. A few days went by and she went to a checkup to find out she has liver cancer. The first thing I did was close my eyes, fold me hands, and pray. Mom then began to get really bad. She could no longer do anything for herself. She lost a lot of weight and couldn’t even make it to the bathroom on her own. I helped as much as I could without breaking down. As if things weren’t hard enough she then received notice that she was being diagnosed with colon cancer and she had an estimate of 2 months to live. Two weeks later I woke up for school at 6 am October 19th, 2009. My brother was on the phone with my dad because he was checking to see if we were awake. I went to go give my mom a kiss goodbye and tell her I love her but that’s when I broke down.

Her body was cold as ice and she was showing no sign of breathing. I screamed for my brother and started bawling my eyes out. I couldn’t’ believe it. My mother… my best friend…my rock..she’s gone. I went to school the next day and went straight to Mr. Garcia to tell him the horrible news. He was devastated as well. For a while I blamed God. Then I found a letter that she wrote to me the night of her death. She knew she was going to pass that night. In the note she told me to stay strong and she told me she was going to miss me but she will see me again one day. I couldn’t wrap my head around event the thought of her being gone but..it was true.

The funeral was tougher then I has imagined. Everyone crying and talking about old memories. She was and always will be the best mom I could have ever asked for. I told myself I wouldn’t be able to make it without her but..4 years later and im still here and life is great. Im engaged to the most amazing guy ever named Brendon Easlick. He is amazing and I love him with all my heart. I also have a best friend names Rachel Sledz that I also love dearly. Life is great now and im very happy. So next time you don’t think you can make it because you lose someone close or someone is giving you a hard time..take it from me… life goes on!