Have you ever had to make a decision that people criticized you about? Something that you felt was right but other people seem to have a problem with it. Then you go through this big moral dilemma trying to decide what you really want to do. Do you stick to your gut and do what makes you happy, or do you take the path that everyone else wants you to follow? How can you be sure that you are making the right choice in the face of such a hard decision? Make a decision and stick with it.

One thing that needs to be known is, I’ve played football for five years. I’ve never missed a game, or a practice. I always went out and tried my best, but there was still a feeling inside of me. This feeling that I wasn’t happy and this isn’t what I really wanted to do. Out of those last five years, I can only think of two years that I actually enjoyed the sport.

My family and friends all knew that I didn’t really like the sport, but they always thought that I would just go ahead and do it, since it was what was expected of me. I can’t say if any of them were aware of the extent to which I hated playing football, besides my best friends, Paris, Fansler, and Volkman. I told my friends a lot the last two years how much I wanted to quit, and how I would refuse to play the next year. Every year, another football season would come and I would end up playing just because I knew that it would make my mom and grandpa happy. One thing I never expected it to turn into, was a serious dilemma.

This spring, I finally decided that I was going to refuse to play, and wasn’t going to participate in any football related activities. So I went about my lifting schedule differently and did all my lifts for powerlifting the next year, or just for general health. Nothing explosive, or what would be considered a, “football lift.” Everything I did was solely for me to get better. It sounds selfish, but I was only thinking of myself. I would go about my business, not even thinking about football. Until summer rolled around it wasn’t a dilemma at all.

I knew that I was going to go to summer conditioning. Not for football purposes, but because I like working out. Then I saw the excitement for the upcoming season, and decided that maybe I would try to buy into the whole “team” thing again. I heard about the seven on seven football program that a few of the surrounding schools participated in, and decided that I would give it a shot. Later that week I was at practice snapping the ball, just like I did the year before, and would supposedly be doing this year. It was starting to seem like it would be something that I would enjoy. I was a senior after all and should be proud of the fact that I’m an upperclassman, or so it seemed.

A few weeks after that first practice, we went down to Council Grove for a quick game of seven on seven. We all stretched and warmed up before it’s time for the first play of the game. I was excited and thought that this was about to be a lot fun. That maybe for once in the last two years, this might actually be fun for me. I snap the ball and watch as we throw a pass. No excitement in the catch at all, not even a little bit. In the back of my mind, I can feel the resentment for the game already starting to surface.
We went through a few more plays, score, and now we were on defense. This is one of the aspect that I really hated about football, defense. We did alright for the first few plays, and then it started. Coach was raising his voice and fingers were starting to get pointed already.
“You let him get by you,” the coach said.
“That was your guy,” said another kid on the field.
It was frustrating, but still I thought that it was manageable. It wasn’t quite a dilemma yet, but it was now on my mind.
In July, I went to summer football camp and realized that I still really didn’t like the sport. Yes, pointing fingers probably wasn’t going to be much of an issue this year, but still, the feeling wasn’t there. If someone doesn’t like football, it is really hard for them to put in their best effort. That was one of the problems I could see arising. That I wouldn’t enjoy it, therefore, not trying my best causing the team to suffer, since I wasn’t willing to put in the effort. I didn’t want to be that kid that the coaches always preached about. The kid that played but never actually, “played.”
Next thing I know it’s football season. It’s Sunday evening and practice starts Monday. The thoughts start to overcome me. Questions without answers were being asked inside of my head. I was having one side of me pulled one way, while the other was ripped the next. What happens if I get hurt and can’t lift during powerlifting? What if I hate it and I’m miserable? What if it’s still a yelling match, and the kids still blame each other for everything? Then there was the other side of the argument.

What if I disappoint Grandpa? What if Mom is mad at me for not doing what they all expect? What will the other kids at school say to me? These were all the other side of the argument. People don’t understand how hard I fought with myself about this. For the first time in my life I had a real dilemma on my hands, and couldn’t see which decision I should make. Either way, there were undesirable consequences and I wasn’t sure which I wanted to face.

I had to find out what the most important people thought. I went to Mom and told her the deal Monday afternoon, three hours before practice was to start. We had a talk about it and I ended up heading out to Grandpa’s house to talk to him. Little did I know, telling him what I wanted to do would be one of the hardest parts of the whole dilemma. After talking for an hour, and realizing that no matter what decision I make, he will always support me. I had finally reached my decision. The hardest decision I had ever faced had come full circle. Almost. I still felt obligated to go tell the Coach what I had decided. So I drove down to the football and told Coach what I had decided. It was a rough conversation, but not as bad as I had expected, and shorter than the one with my family. Finally, after a few years of being depressed playing a sport I hated, I was out. I had found the conclusion for the biggest dilemma I have faced to date.
I had made a decision that impacted more than just me. The thing that I really appreciate about it all, is that I was backed by my friends and family. They made dilemma easier to face and helped me through it. I always thought that other decisions were real dilemmas, but none affected me as emotionally, or physically as this one. Looking back I learned that I can face any decision I come to; no matter how difficult it may seem.