Nobody should have to see their loved one get hurt.
Nobody should have to go through this type of pain.
Nobody should have to ever watch what I watched happen to my loved one.

A fine fall September morning my little brother and I were waking up for school and everything was going great, the sun was shining and the birds were sang outside it was a perfect morning. Mom yells up the old wooden stair case so I can hear her all the way in my bedroom with the old wooden walls so thin that I couldn’t even have a private conversation with anyone in my room.

Can you bring your little brother down with you? I forgot to get him this morning I was doing other things.” okay mom no problem”.
I rolled out of bed and goodness was my dark brown hair was all over place I couldn’t keep it out of my face stood up, got out of my bed from being all cozy in the big pink blanket with a pink tank top and shorts that were a bright blue with peace signs on them.
From there I got Sebastian out of his bed. He was all comfy with his Sponge Bob blanket. Boy, did he have the worst bed head as all I saw was his bright red hair standing up all over the place with his black shorts and bright red shirt with Mickey Mouse on it
We got half way to the old wooden stairs with rubber pads on the steps
“Come on Sebastian lets go down stairs eat breakfast, drink your juice, play a game on the computer and get ready for the bus to come get you”,

Sebastian held tightly on to my right hand and we got to the second step where his hand slipped off of mine and his leg tripped over the step, and from there all I saw was him tumbling down the stairs and he hit the front door and I heard his head bash the door like a book being slammed on a desk when someone has extreme anger.
After his head smashed the door he let out a big cry and all I could think was is he going to be okay? Does he have a concussion? I have to look..., I’m afraid to look I do not like seeing him hurt.

“How could this have happened?”
“I don’t know what to do?”
As I raced to the bottom of the stairs to see if he is alright I look at him... and then I looked away with heavy tears rolling down my check as if someone had just died, Then I let out a loud scream ,
Then next thing I know my mom is standing next to me…
“What happened Stephanie?
“Mom I am so sorry I didn’t mean for this to happen I was just trying to help” (sniffle)
“Stephanie okay I believe you”
“Mom but I feel so horrible I feel like I cannot help him”
“Stephanie like I have said it will be alright”


From there on and all day at school I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I hurt him I feel so dumb why did I let him fall. I hate myself for this and I always will. Just why am I so dumb? I could have jumped in front of him and he could have landed on me and not hit his head and then when I got home from school I found out he had sprained his ankle! Now a junior in high school reflecting back on this that happened 6 years ago… my goodness time flies. I believe karma hit me… because… a few years after that my 8th grade year I fell up the stairs and sprained my left ankle my freshmen year I fell down the stairs and sprained my left ankle again and then again my sophomore year I sprained my right ankle, and if that’s not karma I don’t know what is because that was the worst three years of my life every time I sprained my ankle I thought this is how bad he felt when he had a sprained ankle,
I felt how my little brother or how I think he felt I am not sure how he did feel because he has a disability and he doesn’t how to express and say his feelings, and his disability is Fragile x and Autism, Fragile x is a disability where his XY chromosomes are not normal like pieces are missing from them which causes a mental disability where he doesn’t think or act like we do.

He is an amazing little boy and I love him dearly and I just wish I would have been smarter about what I was doing that day… I really wish I could know what he was thinking of me then and how he thinks of me now… I mean does he hate me? Does he love me? I just really wonder these things to this day I just really wonder if how he thinks of me.

The one and only time I wish I could have known what he was feeling I just wish I could have read his mine or something…
Then again I think he knows because every single time now that I help down the stairs he grips tightly on the back of my shirt or sweatshirt... but at least time if he falls we have white plushy carpeted stairs, he still may hit his head on a door… because at the bottom of the white plushy stairs is a door a white and green wooden door that would really hurt someone’s head if they hit on there...

This is why I believe nobody absolutely nobody should ever, EVER have to see their loved one get hurt.
Still to this day cannot live with myself for what I did…I just wish I could have done everything differently.
Now it is a little too late for that.