Many events can shape a person's life, but for me it was my great grandmother's funeral, the car ride there, and the day after that shaped me the most. Nanny’s funeral was on Thursday June third. Waking up that morning was so surreal, it was like the day was here and it was happening, but it didn’t feel real. We went to the funeral home to say our final goodbyes; everyone was speaking, sharing their favorite memories, and looking at pictures. We went to the church, and the priest said the prayers. Everyone was crying and holding each other, but I couldn’t bring myself to cry, or let anyone try to hug me in an effort to offer their comfort. We went to the cemetery, and she was buried right next to her husband; I still couldn’t bring myself to cry.

That car ride was torture for me, all I could think about was nanny, and how she was gone; she was never coming back. Remembering the last conversation I had with her was probably the worst part.

“Hello nanny it’s Victoria.” I said. It was getting harder to hold a conversation; the Alzheimer’s was very bad now.

“Can you take me home I want to go home?” She had asked.

“ No I’m sorry I can’t. I’ll talk to you soon. Nanny I love you, bye.”

That conversation was the last thing I ever said to her; I can still barely remember it without tears welling up in my eyes. I was the only person in my family to talk to her all the time during the last year of her life. The rest of the ride I remembered other events, like the time my brother and I spilt a whole container of baby powder all over our living room and she helped us clean it up, and didn’t tell my parents so we stayed out of trouble. I remembered all of the Christmases we had together, before I moved to Florida in 2005, the truly happy times. It also brought up some of the bad times like when we left and saying goodbye the last time I saw her. When we got into Maryland the car broke down and we spent two hours in a gas station waiting for it to be fixed, then we were on the road again for another three more hours until we arrived at my aunt and uncle’s in Staten Island New York, two days before the funeral.

After the funeral we went back to Staten Island, and got diner at the Woodrow Diner, I had a corn beef on rye, my mom and my aunt both had burgers they were a little quiet, but it was as though nothing had happened. Later that night, we went to my cousin Olivia’s softball game, and they acted as though everything was okay laughing and joking around, like it was just another ordinary day. I couldn’t believe it they seemed so okay with everything, the next thing I remember was getting very angry. I was angry with them for not caring, for being happy while she was gone, and ended up walking over to my friend Michelle’s house. I have known her since I was three years old so she knew nanny. I spent the night there and we talked about all the good times we had with nanny. I still couldn't even with the need to let myself cry I couldn’t do it. Walking through the park the next morning there was an assault of memories, sliding down the slide with her watching, her pushing me on the swing, climbing up the rope web when I was seven and falling off spraining my wrist. I walked back to my aunts house in an eerie silence when I got back to my aunts house everyone was out for breakfast, and I finally let myself break down and cry.
There are many events in life that can shape people into who they are today. As you can see one of those events is losing a loved one. Losing someone makes you remember all of the times you had with him or her, and how they shaped your life. On May 31, 2010 my life changed forever. I lost one of the people who meant more to me than anything else. The loss, and sadness I felt sitting in that car for 16 hours on my way to her funeral gave me a lot of time to think, and remember all the good times.