Hello. Thank you for purchasing another Apple Inc. Product to display among your array of various other Apple Inc. Products. You now have the iPod, the iPod nano, the iPod mini, the iPod shuffle, the mac, the mac book, the macbook pro, the iPhone (1,2, 3,4, & 4s,) the iPad 1, iPad 2 and now the “resolutionary” NEW iPad. What you hold in your hands is the instruction manual for your new, NEW iPad. Devoted consumer, you probably lost a whole two nights worth of sleep, camping outside your nearest Apple Store awaiting for this innovative product that is bound to change your way of life.
You will notice the many changes that the NEW iPad offers for you. Our engineers spent years to update the camera feature from 4MP to… wait for it, 5MP! We have also added something to the new, NEW iPad that customers are responding to all over the world. Overheating. Yes the NEW iPad is so hot in the stores that it can reach temperatures up to 113 degrees Farenheit.
We at Apple Inc. truly wished to embody this product with a fresh new appealing name so original, so unthought of, so… so…. new. And so from iPad 1 to iPad 2, this product was bestowed the name NEW iPad.

Our success as the world’s largest technology company, would be nothing without the evolution our products and our prices have partaken in. We see the progression that our products are entailing to make a change in this world. This product started at a mere price of $499. Yes, that money was very well spent. Thank you for not doing something unreasonable with $499 by placing it in your child’s college fund or some starving nation. You did the honorable and intelligible thing by spending all of your money on another one of our products. By spending all of your hard earned money to buy an iPad that is amazingly 33% thinner than the original, you are funding our upcoming products like the newer new iPad and the macbook amature, (both of which we are intending on making you buy as well.)
Yes admit it, you bought this product just so you can show it around the office and post a status about it on facebook using your iPhone 4s. Your coworkers probably see you as that “dude-who-buys-every-single-Apple Inc Product,” seeing as you often brag about the number of Apple Products you own. And are you ashamed? Well you shouldn’t be ashamed. We are extremely pleased that you purchased the NEW iPad seeing as with this iPad you may be able to truly find the attention and friends you need…
Thank you consumer for devoting most of your paycheck to buying every single possible item that has our company label. We hope to stun the world with our new upcoming products that are bound to change the course of mankind. Our mission here at Apple Inc. is to make consumer friendly products that can make your life as easy as possible.
Instructions
1)Press On Button
2)Press Home Button
3)Press ANY button you like