I’ve never claimed to be better than anyone, and I’m not. Like all the kids who copy their math homework every single day, I did the same thing today. Mainly because I didn’t know my teacher was going to go the problems I didn’t know how to do in class. I’m the best worst I could possibly be. And that’s because I fear failure more than I want success. I don’t want to get help on something and still fail, it’s happened and all that it’s proved is that getting help doesn’t work. Or that I’m getting help from the wrong person, but I don’t trust teachers. Never have, and never will.

I’d rather get an F on my own, rather than getting an F with help. Which is why I got an F on my Macbeth paper, and a D on my timed write. I CAN’T WRITE. It’s that simple.

I gave up on those dreams a long time ago. I honestly don’t think I’m gonna get anywhere when I don’t even believe in myself, which is whatever at this point.

My English teacher talked about how some kids are only happy being able to say that they’re in an AP class, but they aren’t willing to do the work. But to perfectly honest I went out on a limb and stupidly decided to be in the class, and I regret that decision. I’ve could’ve better in an English elective and shown colleges that I’m smart, rather than be in an AP English class and show colleges that I’m there but my work sucks.

I can do well on my quizzes, but my writing is horrible. I ramble, repeat myself over and over again, and I sound like an idiot. And I’m over this whole school thing.