For too long I’ve gone with the current. Done what’s been expected of me, taken the right classes, made the right choices as far as friends goes, applied to jobs/colleges. I want to explore. I want to see what else is out there, besides sitting in a library and studying. Getting rejected from two colleges probably has something to do with this, but I’m taking it as a sign. A sign that I’m not meant to go to college. And if that’s true, what am I mean to do then? Am I meant to flip burgers? Or wait tables? Or WHAT? I want some time to think. Think about my future, not just academically. I want to try and figure out if what I’ve been doing up to this point was worth it. But more importantly I want to see something other than the Midwest. Of course everyone around me would say I’m irrational, and I should wait for more college decisions. More than likely I’m getting into the other schools I’ve applied too, so it doesn’t matter. But I want to see something other than the Midwest. If I didn’t get into the two schools I’ve applied early too then obviously it’s not just the whole I’m not good enough thing, it’s more to do with it’s just not meant to be. I obviously don’t want to just smoke pot/peyote, and go on “vision quest”, I want to do actual soul searching. Find out who I’m meant to be. If that entitles that I take a year off of school, then so be it. I don’t want to be forty-years old and regret everything I did up to that point. I want to be forty-years old, and be proud of everything I’ve done, even if it involves a string of one-night stands, and heavy drug usage. Because if that’s what’s supposed to happen, then that’s what’s supposed to happen.

Whatever’s meant to be, is meant to be. Because eventually every reason/answer will show itself.