Insane.

Or crazy. Personally, I prefer insane, it sounds more dramatic, it sounds cooler and it crawls off your tongue, deliciously.

***


Adjective:

1. Not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.

2. Of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is mentally deranged: insane actions; an insane asylum.

3. Utterly senseless: an insane plan.

But it can sound vacuous, and chilling to people who don’t know, or understand.

I have no official disease or illness but everyone I meet tells me it’s true.

***

“I’m a little obnoxious,” is how Holly introduces herself.

“That’s okay, I’m a little insane,” I reply with a smile.

I’ve heard that Holly is annoying, and that she uses people but I decide I might as well be myself.
She smiles, laughs and gives me a hug telling me how that was the best response she ever got.

People laugh when I say things like that. Sometimes because they know that I’m joking and other times it’s more nervous because they fear it might be true.

***

My hobbies, my “quirks” and idea’s don’t make people doubt me.

Obsessions with words, death scenes hidden in sub-folders-folders-folders and maniacal laughter don’t help my persona. I feel so many things but my introverted ways make me seem demonic when I finally let things out.

***

Some would see my disturbed tendencies as something to be afraid of. They might see the bad part of my insanity and not the part that only makes me long to dance in the rain.

I may be insane, batty, bizarre, cracked, crazed, crazy, cuckoo, daft, demented, derailed, deranged, fatuous, frenzied, idiotic, impractical, irrational, irresponsible, loony, lunatic, mad, maniacal, mental, moonstruck, nuts, nutty, of unsound mind, off one's rocker, out of one's mind, paranoid, preposterous, psychopathic, psychotic, rabid, raging, raving, schizophrenic, screwy, senseless, touched, unhinged, unsettled, or wild.

And that’s what makes me smile.