I’m starting to see why people commit suicide on the holidays. I’m not saying I would or anything, I like living, but I can see where they’re coming from. The stress of the holiday season can be too much for some people, the combination of family criticisms, family members fighting and the fear of not getting them a good gift can drive you crazy. Bluntly stated, the holidays suck.
I deal with this every year.
As usual, my holidays are off to their same crappy start. Mom’s stressed about dealing with the family, I’m laying in my bed using music to drown out reality, and both of us are pissed at UPS for not having our stuff delivered, even though they say it’s already here.
I buried my face into my blankets, trying to dry my eyes. Also, as usual, mom and I got into a fight.
Brrrrrriiiiinnnng…Brrrrriiiiinnnnng…
I looked at my phone’s caller I.D and saw a picture of Kyle wearing a French three point hat and a fake curly mustache.
“Hello schatzi!” Kyle’s excited voice rang through the phone. Just talking to him and hearing him call me his schatzi always cheers me up.
“Hi deary.” I said trying to sound happy.
“What’s wrong Jada?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” I said in a failed attempt to sound breezy.
“Jada, I know when you’re upset, so stop b.sing me and tell the truth.”
“It’s just the same old holiday crap I have to deal with every year…”
“Aw, I’m sorry babe.”
“…She said I ruined Christmas…again.”
“What?! Why would she say that to you?” He said utterly appalled.
“Because I asked to go to Rittenhouse’s party.”
“I’m sorry hunny, so I take it you can’t go?”
“I don’t know anymore. We made up, but she’s still on the fence about it.”
“I hope you can, it won’t be as fun if you’re not there. I hope your Christmas gets better.”
“Thanks deary, I hope so too.”
There was a long pause that ended when Kyle’s voice cut through the silence.
“…I just had a moment of looking way too far into the future…”
“What did you see?
“It’s stupid…”
“No it’s not, please tell me.” I pleaded him.
“Well, if we ever get that cozy little apartment we’ve been dreaming of, I promise you, I’ll give you the perfect Christmas. It will be just the two of us, and we wouldn’t have to deal with all of this family drama.”
Tears sat on the edges of my eyes, I could tell the waterworks were about to start.
“I would love that… could we maybe put up a tree? Or stocking or two? I haven’t done that since I was like seven, but I remember decorating the tree was one of my favorite things to do.”
“Of course! Truthfully I planned on at least putting up a tree. I do it every year.”
“It sounds perfect already.” I said choking back tears.
Kyle and I talked a little longer until he had to go eat dinner, leaving me lying in my bed thinking about our conversation. I couldn’t stop dreaming about our perfect Christmas together.
Just the two of us, sitting on our couch, and drinking hot chocolate with way too many mini marshmallows. Us decorating the tree, and me trying to put the star on top, but being too short so Kyle has to picks me up so I can reach. After putting the star on, I see Kyle carrying me to the couch where he throws me and starts one of our infamous tickle wars. I see us falling asleep in each others arms, and waking up together on Christmas day, then ripping into our Christmas gifts. Right before my day dream ends I see one last thing, I see him taking my hands in his and kissing me beneath the mistletoe and calling me his shazti.
Maybe the holidays don’t suck so much after all.