By the way my heart had throbbed behind my chest, as if it would shatter my ribs, by the way my face had heated, as if my skin would melt away, by the way my flesh grew taut, as if it would rip by one movement, I knew I would never forget September 11, 2001.

It had just happened so fast. A blinding white flash bursting on the screen. I had acquired temporary sightlessness before I knew what was going one. “What?” Black had lain in front of me.

“It’s just for now,” My mother told me in near whisper. The strain in her voice churned my belly. I could feel my stomach acid wrench in tidal waves. My organs flopped and twisted into tight knots that cut off my circulation.

“But why?” I whined in contempt. Tears welted up behind my eyes and pooled beneath my lids.

She sighed. “Because I said so, Dana. You just… can’t watch Blues Clues now!” The words practically spilled out of her mouth. It stung my heart like spitting oil.

My arms wrapped around each other, enveloping in a wretched, spoiled manner. “I wanna watch it now!” Seconds before, I had been helping Blue and Steve construct something out of recycled items, but then some woman popped up on the television with raven haired tresses and impeccable glossed lips and began prattling on about the World Trade Center, whatever that was.

“Dana! Just stay upstairs and you can watch it tomorrow!” My mother barked. Her face reddened like a tomato’s flesh. Her pupils were as big as pennies. Her eyeballs were tinted crimson and shiny like glass.

My bottom lips curled. My chin quivered. “But…” I had nothing new to say. There was no fighting with my mother, the woman who, after she has an opinion, sticks with it until death. “Is the television broken. Why is it off?” I question innocently. A sea of hot tears flooded my throat. Would I ever be able to watch Blues Clues again?

“It’s just… Blues Clues is off the air right now.”

Before another word could pour out of my five-year-old lips, my mother trudged out of the guest room and directed herself towards the stairs.

“Off the air?” I mumbled to myself, confused. A dark sense of fright slinked into my brain. It screamed at me, crowding my mind in dread. It was deafening.

I twirled back towards the television screen that was colored black. Did it have something to do with the world trade thing? Was that why Blues Clues was on television no more? Was it masking my favorite television show? Blocking it somehow? I wanted to sob. The prospect of never again going on adventures with Steve or Blue or Magenta or Periwinkle? It felt like I was a flower wilting away. Slowly.

“Mom! Is it on again yet!” I shrieked in hope. I motioned my arm towards the television. My fingers wiggled and hovered in front of the Power button. If it didn’t come back on soon, then…

“No!” My mother cried out. Her voice was muffled by tears. I could tell. It didn’t sound like she was answering my question. It sounded like she was sobbing at something else, like… I don’t know.

“Mom…?” I whispered to myself more than her. I guess she was sad about Blues Clues too. “I’ll miss that show,” I screeched. “Today is the worst day ever!” I stuttered in tears.
And it was. I just didn’t actually realize it.