Fifteen. | Teen Ink


May 15, 2010
By Miss.Gianna GOLD, West Hills, California
Miss.Gianna GOLD, West Hills, California
10 articles 0 photos 4 comments

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything we can do for you?"

No. There's not anything you can do for me.

You can't fix the situation I'm in.

You can't help my family.

You can't help him.

We don't want your food,
your money,
or your flowers.

All we want is a miracle which I HIGHLY doubt will happen.

If I hear those two sentences one more time, I swear I will get up on a chair and scream.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry, I know exactly what you're going through."

Do you really now? Do you know how upset I am? How depressed? How angry?

Were you my age when this happened to you?

Were you as close to him as I was?

No. Chances are, you weren't.

I'm only 15, and this crap happens to me.

You were maybe 28, 35, 47.

You had a much longer time with your relative than I did.

He was suppose to see me graduate this year, spend the summer with me, make me laugh.

You got that. For so many years more, you got that.

Sure, maybe the same thing happened to you--But atleast you were a bit older.

"Well after this you'll definetely need therapy."

YOU don't know what I need.
YOU have no idea how I feel.
YOU are not me.

For a lot of people in this situation, yes, they do need therapy.

But whose to say I need it?

Whose to say I'm going to do something stupid and screw up my life all because this happened?

It's called grieving.

People deal with it differently.

There's no right or wrong way to do it. If I don't cry, I don't cry.

Stop telling me HOW to do it, when you have absolutely no idea what I'M going through.

If I don't scream, I don't scream.

If I just sit there, that's just me.

I'm not in denial about it.

And I'm definetely not in the mood to hear what YOU think.

Hearing what you want me to do isn't going to make me do it.

As much as you try talking it into me, screaming it into me, or lecturing it into me, I will not do it.

Because you're NOT me, you have no idea what I'M going through, and I just don't feel like listening to YOUR crap.

Because when it all comes down to the end, you go back to your lives, you forget about it, and me and my mom are stuck at home, ALONE, remembering who he was and how much we miss him.

Did you just lose a dad?
I think not.
Did you just lose a Husband?
I think not.

So who was he to you?
A friend? A brother?

When it's all said and done, you weren't there half the time when we needed you to deal with his crap that he had done.

NONE of you were there to comfort me when he was gone for a few days and me and my mom had no idea where he had run off too.

And definetely none of you were there when he was in the hospital constantly.

It was only me and my mom.

But all of a sudden, when something tragic happens, you all appear out of the blue shouting, "Here I am, I was his closest _____."

If you were soooo close to him, why do I never remember you even calling to say a simple "Hello"?

Why do I never remember any of you coming over to visit us and see how he was?

Why didn't we ever spend Christmas, New Years', or any other stupid holiday together with you?

Because the truth is, life's too short.

None of us expected this to happen.

So all of you went on with your merry lives, forgetting about your relative, or "best friend".

So when this happened, suddenly you're all here.

Trying to make ammends, saying what you want to, or comforting us.

And honestly, it all seems fake to me.

All of your sweet, little whispers to him, prayers, comments & concerns all seem fake.

Because when it comes down to it, you didn't lose a father or a husband. You just lost an insignificant other, sibling, or friend.

And I just lost my dad.

The author's comments:
My dad just passed away, and this is my way of venting it all out.

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This article has 1 comment.

annbug said...
on May. 27 2010 at 5:42 pm
annbug, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
I am so sorry about everything- and not just your dad either, but how people treat you. I've always thought it was weird how suddenly everyone just crawls out of the woodwork when someone passes away too. You are an excellent writer!