I’m so scared of this feeling. This happy, smile like crazy everywhere I go feeling. You’re in my head all the freaking time! The only time I’m excited is when I see Inbox (1), signaling that my message was not ignored! But I don’t know how to act, what to say, when to look, when to touch. We’re not even that far yet, but still. I can spill it out in writing but when it comes to conversation I’m at a loss. I’m scared.

I want you to look at me but not see.
Talk to me but don’t speak.
Touch me but don’t feel.
Think of me but don’t tell.
Like me but don’t reciprocate the feeling.
I miss the days where I liked you and you and I were oblivious.
Because now I feel like I have to carry this through. I don’t want you to know my feelings and realize I’m not the one. I couldn’t stand it if you weren’t who I thought you were. I don't want people to think what everyone thinks about couples and breakups and crushes. The rumors and stories and lies that go on and on. It's word vomit for a week but the taste rests in the mouth forever.

Where do we go from writing? Do we speak? I stood by you but you did not speak. I could have said something, but you looked disappointed. All I saw was a slight nod to the girl next to me, and brief eye contact with me that sent chills down my spine and made me want to cry and sing at the same time. Is it all just in writing?

I’m so scared! You make me feel beautiful and ugly, happy and sad, hopeful and bleak. I want to like you and feel indifferent and not care! All these worries about this and the situation. What will my parents think. What if they don't like you, me, this, us? Please can we go back to the days where I liked you and you and I were oblivious?