This War is Ours. | Teen Ink

This War is Ours.

September 12, 2009
By Anonymous

Not loving you is harder than you know.

So some days when I think of you, I just want to burst out crying and sometimes there is nowhere else in this universe I want to be other than in your arms. Everytime we touch, it drives me insanely crazy and I don't ever want to let go. Being in your arms feels amazing and I love your scent; it's absolutely comforting. Knowing that there really is nothing in the way of wanting you this badly other than you not wanting me back is the worst feeling this world. I miss you quite terribly like how a little kid would miss a lost teddy bear they had for years. Every love song, quote, poem and just the word love reminds me of you twenty-four seven. I've only known you about two months and woah, it's the most hardest, frustrating, complicated, yet amazingest time of my life. You are truly someone I can never forget even when I try so hard. I can't say you are the best I ever had because honestly, I don't think I ever "had" you when I needed you the most. People say this is gonna last, we'll make it to the end, forever baby. You never said that and thank you because at least you didn't get my hopes up any higher then it already was. But you did say some things that I believed like a fool. Seriously, why did you come into my life? Your the one guy who approached me first and I didn't like at first. And now I'm in love with you and you dont' even realize or care. But then again, I still would have rather met you and gone through all this than have you not enter my life at all. It seems as I'm just attached and growing more and more on to you...

Are we lost just in time? I wonder if your loves the same because I'm still not over you. I highly doubt I'm the only one who went through this with you and you really should be ashamed for putting all of us under your magic and then just disappearing without even letting anyone know. Words can't even begin to describe how hard I fell for you and how hard I'm still falling in this rut. Everyone says I know and deserve better, you just used me and I don't mean anything to you, I can be replaced in a heart beat but the thing is my heart only beats for you right now. What they all say comes through one ear and goes out the other. I know their right and you don't deserve me or any girl but for some reason I'm always defending you. So... do you call this love or stupidity? As much I want to shoot you and never see you again, if I heard that you died right this moment, I would shoot myself for losing you. I can never forget about the past, try to make things better in the present, and prevent my heart from dying in the future. It's already broken and I just wish I could break it all up into millions of pieces so it can't be put back together in order to be broken again. Wow, even as I'm writing this I know you probabably won't care any of the things I said and yeah, that hurts.

How come you have enough time to go out and make other people fall in love with you, but you don't have enough time to pay attention to the one who already does. When everything goes well for once, something always seems to be crashing down and of course, it always has to involve you. You make me wanna cry so hard I won't have any drops of tear left anymore. You make me wanna scream so loud, I'll lose my voice and won't have to ever go through the pain again. You make me wanna hit you so hard you'll at least feel a bit of the pain I felt; which is 100 times more than what you'll ever feel. You make me wanna seek revenge on you so badly, you'll know what I had to go through. I want to go back to that early morning at 3, laying under the stars, playing in the grass , listening to you talk and me complaining about how I hate when bugs make noises. When we touched for the first time, my stomach did gazillion flips I was afraid you could feel it. Listening to your heart beat; you said you could hear mine but inside, it was beating so much faster it ever was. I swear I thought I was dreaming, everything was too perfect. I still remember every moment, things we said & did, and how I felt like we were the only ones out there. There is one thing you said that still replays in my head all by itself every single day; it drives me insane. Thinking, knowing, and now believing that all the things you said were lies are just about the worst thing to realize. When our lips met, it was like it was meant to be. Time seemed to be going by so fast and I could of stayed there the whole morning just being in your arms and resting my head on your shoulders. When we locked fingers; I didn't care how uncomfortable it was, all I knew was I never wanted to let go. The truest thing you said: the last kiss is the hardest. You sure got that right. I would of never thought that would of been the last and now it looks as if it's going to stay that way. No matter how much I want you, us, go back to that day, re-living every moment... I think for the first time, I'm going to look out for myself and let go. It's hard but I'm trying. Sometimes I feel as if it's working and I can finally move on. But sometimes, it seems like the hardest thing in the world and I can't do it; no matter what; that hurts like hell. You don't even know. But just know that, when I said I love you I meant it even if you didn't<3.

I was dumb.
I was stupid.
I believed your lies even when I knew they weren't true.
I know everything changes. think we still had something.
You let me down, too many times.
I'm stuck in this rut.
I still think about you all day, all night.
You make me so sad and happy at the same time.
Everthing you said, why did I believe it?
HOPE : it means nothing to you.
I love you...? psh it would of been better just to say I hate you.
All that it takes is one more chance.
Please don't let our kiss be our last.
Give me tonight and I'll show you.

We were once: You & Me = <3.
But never will be again.
Now ending in: You & Me =</3.

If a kiss was a raindrop, I'd send you a shower.

If a hug was a second, I'd send you an hour.

If a smile was water, I'd send you the sea.

If you needed love,

I'd send you me. <3

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