Whenever somebody would ask why I moved here, my heart skips a single beat. I pause for a moment not knowing how to respond, I will say anything but the truth. Not because I'm embarrassed or anything, but out of respect for my family and me. Usually, I'll say something like “My parents are getting divorced” or it's always nice to pull out the good “My parents wanted to get out of the city” Which these were not false statements, but they weren't the pure truth. 

Summer going into 7th grade was one of the best summers ever. I was out biking with my friends all over the cities. I wish I had appreciated that time more with my first real friend group, I loved them so much. My big sister Avery is lively and beautiful, my forever best friend. Her summer was a lot different than mine. She was out all the time, worrying my parents because she hadn't been home and missed curfew. I didn't think much of it, I thought she was just a teenager rebelling a bit. She started sneaking out to hang out with her friends at night, I would always cover for her, make sure the dogs didn't start barking, texting her if the parents woke up. I remember this one time she was sneaking out when a cop stopped her, our parents were livid. Her reason for sneaking out was “I wanted to look at the moon”. In August I began never seeing her, I knew she had been smoking weed and drinking but I didn't know where it would take her. 

School started back up, I was a 7th grader and my sister was a sophomore, from what I knew we were doing what we were supposed to. In September she met a boy named Jacob who was 18 while she was 15. My parents thought he went to our school and was a senior but in reality, he had already graduated and went to a whole different school. Jacob was the downfall, no he didn't approve of the stuff she started to do but because of him, she could get it a lot easier. At this point in time I was just living life. My sister started sneaking out every night to see her friends and boyfriend, Jacob had a car so it made everything easier for them. I never saw her anymore if she was home she was sleeping. I missed my big sister, my idol. I will never forget the way her eyes looked, deep sunken in eyes with heavy eye bags. I just thought she wasn't getting enough sleep but it was so much more than that. I started becoming suspicious because she would have big wads of cash then it would all be gone the next day. I decided to look through her phone and I saw she was texting dealers about various substances. I remember being in disbelief I didn't really know what to do and in my head, I was thinking I didn't want to be a snitch, so I just kept quiet and I knew she would be upset with me if she knew I looked through her phone. 

Things were starting to get bad. I knew my sister was doing hard substances and at that time I thought there was nothing I could do for her, I didn't want her to be gone for good because they would always threaten to send her to live with our grandparents. My parents started catching her more with weed, alcohol, and vapes and they knew she was sneaking out a lot so they bolted her windows shut, but they didn't know how far it was going. My parents just thought she was a rebellious teenager who liked to smoke pot. In reality, she found a liking for other substances too. Of course, they didn't like or approve of it and there have been many nights I've witnessed of my parents just going ballistic. My sister was grounded and couldn't go out for Halloween because my dad caught her earlier that day stealing his beer. I was still going out that year with my friends, I lived in a good neighborhood for candy so all my friends came over. We were out at my neighborhood park at around 9. I remember seeing 2 of my sister's friends. One of them came up to me and asked if Avery was okay, I was confused and I was like she should be did something happen? He responded that you should go home then. I am super confused, I walk into my home and I see 4 police officers standing and talking to my family I ask if everything is okay and my parents tell me to go upstairs, I just go back outside to find my friends and I dare not tell a soul what I saw because I didn't even have answers to the questions. Short story my mom called the cops on my sister and her boyfriend saying she was getting kidnapped knowing well she wasn't getting kidnapped. Halloween was the first night she took her drug of choice, my parents don't know about that. I think all the time that if she just stayed in and didn't go out for Halloween, would my life be different? This started going down quickly after that. 

I didn't recognize my sister anymore, this joyous beautiful organism I got to call my sister, my forever best friend was now zombie-like and cold. About a week before our lives changed forever parents found pills in her bag. They were asking questions and were so confused she first said it was Tylenol but my parents knew it was crap, they were going to take it away and what she did was pop the pill right in front of them. Addicts don't have a sense of self and lose sight of what truly matters. My mom and dad found out about the consistency and the addiction my sister was going through. It's a different kind of pain seeing someone go through addiction knowing there's nothing you can do except for supporting them. My sister was doing a lot of pills and they were the only thing that would make her feel whole again. That same week my sister got suspended for running away from her teacher when she skipped school and left the school grounds. My parents then found out she had been skipping so much school, she almost got put up for truancy. It wasn't just classes she would skip whole days; somehow, my parents never knew until she was suspended. My mom talked to the school and they decided to give her a second chance and let her return on Monday instead of Wednesday. On that Monday they saw on cameras my sister skipping class and hitting her vape. My parents have had it, they tried. My mother thought she was going to die if she kept doing all these hard substances, my sister looked so unwell. In January my parents told me they were going to send her to live with my grandma in Hampton and she would be enrolled into Randolph. They took her phone and told her she was just staying for the weekend, little did she know our whole lives were about to change. None of her friends knew she just vanished from the face of the earth one day. My parents and grandparents didnt want me to tell any of her friends where she was located or what she was doing there. I had no contact with her at all, I only got to see her some weekends. 

When she got taken away from me I went spiraling into a very dark place. It felt like a place of no return. All the appending doom of the world crashed down on me all at once. I became quiet and stopped hanging out with my friends as often I didn't have the energy for anything anymore. I hated life. My daily routine was getting out of bed in the morning and throwing on whatever, go to school, then getting home and going back to my bed, which once I was in there I would likely not get up for the rest of the day. I broke up with my boyfriend Imad and he was one of the only people who knew what had happened I just couldn't deal with putting energy into him. I went into a state of depersonalization. Everything started to feel like a dream, I didn't know what was real and what wasn't, nothing at all felt real. I began having these episodes where I started seeing myself in the third person. My vision would suddenly change and the only way I can describe it was like watching myself from a camera. I had all this pain and didn't know what to do. I started cutting myself on my wrists and thighs and having serious thoughts of ending my life. Yet I felt guilty at that same time for feeling this way. In March one of Avery's best friends who somehow had contact with her gave us a call on how she has been taking my grandma's oxycontin daily for a long time and he began to worry about her. I was horrified that we did all of this and she still found a way. A couple of days after we found out my parents decided to have dinner all together at my grandparent's house I was excited to see my sister on a school night. That night my parents and grandparents had a serious conversation about her taking the pills and she realized that she was an addict. When they were done talking my parents called me down then told me and my sister we were moving. I started to cry and cry. They told us we would move to Hampton or an area near that. I was so torn, I didnt wanna move. The move happened quickly, we moved in 2 months giving me no time to prepare myself for more life-altering events. 

I was still so very depressed and now I find out I'm moving from a city that was the only place I could call home. I remember all the times I've thought to myself how I'm never going to move and I'm going to graduate from St.Louis Park High School in 2027. Little did I know that I would be graduating from Cannon Falls High School in 2027.  I tried to think positively like this would be better and safer for my sister, but I still had resentment towards her but endless love for her because she mattered most to me. I moved here in June 2022, still at the beginning of summer I knew nobody but I finally had my sister she had been sober for 2 months and I was beyond proud of her yet I was still in this deep depression I couldn't escape spending many of my summer days laying bed binge watching Young Sheldon while my sister yells at me trying to get me up, but I just couldn't. Things did get better eventually. 

But I wish I hadn't taken things for granted back then before everything changed, I would do anything to go back to myself and tell her to hang out with her sister and friends more not to push them away, tell her to enjoy the beauty and gift of life. This is why I live now day to day being grateful for the things in life and to never ever take things for granted because life is full of surprises and you never know what it has in store for you, tomorrow is never promised so I live every day like it's my last. 

So when someone asks me why I moved I don't tell the truth. This event in my family and i’s life is personal to us. Moving was our fresh start. I will always pause for a moment when someone asks me why I moved. I will never forget what happened but I will never forget how I'm healing and growing day by day. I've become a better person and gained an understanding of people's stories. My sister and I are forever trauma-bonded and have a deeper understanding of her than ever before.