I'm hanging out with a mutual friend, minding my own business, when they drop a bombshell on me. My best friend, the one I thought I could trust with anything, was using the N-word behind my back. Talk about a gut punch. I mean, I couldn't believe it. This is someone I've shared countless memories with, someone I've laughed with cried with, and confided in, and now I'm hearing that they've been saying this. It felt like my whole world was turned upside down. At first, I didn't know how to process it. I was angry, hurt, and just plain confused. I wanted to confront my friend right away, and demand answers, but part of me was afraid of what I might hear. Would they deny it? Apologize? I had no idea. When I finally mustered up the courage to talk to them, it was offputting. They seemed genuinely sorry, but I could tell they didn't fully grasp the weight of what they'd done. Yes they said they were sorry, but did they really understand why it hurt so much? I wasn't so sure. 

It's like this little voice in the back of my head, constantly questioning whether our friendship was ever real. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, to believe that maybe they just made a mistake, but the damage was done. I wanted so badly to salvage our friendship, to go back to the way things were before. But deep down, I knew that was impossible. How could I trust someone who had shown such a lack of respect for me and my identity?  I made the tough call to distance myself from them. And let me tell you, it wasn't easy. It felt like I was losing a piece of myself, a connection that had once meant everything to me. But in the end, I knew I had to prioritize my well-being and self-respect. 

Seamlessly joking around with friends is a natural part of any close relationship, including the one I shared with my best friend. We would laugh, play jokes, and engage in playful banter, but there were always boundaries; lines we knew not to cross. We understood that certain topics were off-limits, certain words too hurtful to be uttered in even a joking matter. At the top of that list was the N-word. As a black girl, I made it clear from the start that I found that word deeply offensive and hurtful. With it comes centuries of pain, oppression, and dehumanization, and I wanted no part in perpetuating its use.  My friend knew this, just as I knew their boundaries, and we respected each other enough to steer clear of those sensitive topics. When I discovered that my best friend had used the N-word behind my back, it felt like a betrayal of that trust and understanding. It wasn't just a harmless joke or a slip of the tongue, it was a deliberate choice to disregard my feelings and disrespect my identity as a black person and that hurt more than words can express.

 This experience taught me lessons about self-worth and boundaries. It showed me that I deserve friends who not only claim to support me but also actively demonstrate it through their actions and words. While the betrayal initially left me vulnerable and hurt, it ultimately strengthened my self-respect. As a black girl, this experience reinforced the reality of navigating a world where racism and microaggressions are all too common. But it also empowered me to assert my worth and demand the respect and dignity that I deserve in all aspects of my life. 

During high school orientation, I had the pleasure of meeting another black girl, and from the moment we exchanged our first words, it felt like we had known each other for ages. Our connection was immediate and undeniable. We bonded over our shared experiences of being minorities in a predominantly white environment. As we talked, laughed, and shared stories, it became evident that our bond was something special, something worth cherishing. We quickly became inseparable, spending countless hours together. In her, I found not just a friend, but a confidante, a sister, someone who truly understood me in a way that no one else did. Our friendship provided me with a sense of belonging and acceptance that I had never experienced before. Through her unwavering support and companionship, I learned the importance of surrounding myself with people who uplifted and validated me, who saw me for who I truly was, and who accepted me. In her presence, I felt seen, heard, and valued and during that event, my friend was there for me, offering unwavering support and encouragement. She reminded me of my worth, of the person I was beyond the hurtful words of others. She encouraged me to stand tall, to speak up for myself, and to demand the respect that I deserved. I felt empowered, encouraged to confront the ignorance and that had caused me so much pain. She reminded me that the actions of others did not define me. Through her friendship, I learned to embrace my identity with pride and to never apologize for who I am. She gave me the confidence to speak my truth, to stand up for what is right, and for that, I will be forever grateful.

I realize that true friendship goes beyond just having a good time together.  It requires mutual respect, empathy, and a willingness to listen and learn from one another. It means recognizing and honoring each other's boundaries, even when it may seem harmless. And it means acknowledging the power and impact of words. While my friend's actions may have caused me pain and disappointment, they also served as a valuable lesson about the importance of setting boundaries and speaking up for myself. I learned that I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and that true friends are those who uplift and support me, not tear me down with hurtful words.