I believe in letting go.
I believe in childhood friends. I believe in friendships with the girl next door. I believe in best friends. I've always had a best friend, but have I ever been a best friend?
Growing up I always had friends. These friendships never felt real, but they were all I had. People grow up and grow apart. I've never felt like a first choice to anyone. Relationships in middle school felt like a 20-80 and not 50-50. I felt that I put in more effort than everyone else. I would be bored, so I would send a text to a friend: ‘hey can you hang out today?’ And over and over the responses would be, ‘I can’t today,’ ‘sorry no can’t,’ ‘no.’ After that, everytime I sent a text to my “friends” my heart would pound in and out of my chest, and I would get anxious just expecting the rejection. I was so tired of having average, toxic friendships.
I had to come to terms with the fact that my friends were not helping me grow. Letting go of friendships you've had for years can be hard but it's something that has to happen if people have changed. Change is important, I have to let go so that new people can come into my life. I had accepted being lonely for a little bit, so that I can wait to find the right people. I was pretty nervous going to summer camp this year. I was late because of a softball game, so when I finally got there I was excited and tense. I step out of my dads truck and feel the cool rain and the mountain air. For a few minutes there was a hustle trying to get my bags out of the rain. I step into my cabin, and you can hear the loud bustle of teenage girls stop. Everyone else has already gotten settled in, so I stand awkwardly in the door wondering which bed will be mine. The only open bunk is under a girl named Sophie. The tall, beautiful girl with dark features talks to me like we've been friends for years. The rest is history. Sophie invited me to hang out with her and her friends while at camp, but it didn't stop there though. I've been friends with them for 6 months now and I have never been happier. Around them I get to really be me, I don't have to act like a different person around them. Now I have friends that make me feel loved and wanted. I've always wanted to learn how to be the best possible person that I can, my new friends have really helped me come out of my shell. Having a good support system is important to me, I lean on them and they lean on me, during the good and the bad. I have discovered so many new things about myself, strengths, interests, and they have helped me grow in my faith in God. I never was mean to the old friends that I had, but I just stopped caring about what they thought or didn't think. I choose to surround myself with people that lift me up and encourage me.
Some people believe in holding on to what you have, but I believe in finding friends that make you grow and flourish. I believe in having real friends not “friends.” I believe in growth. I believe in setting boundaries. I believe in letting go.