It was August 7th, 2001. It was my senior year at Riverview Gardens, My first day of school. As I walked into my first class, the teacher told me I wasn’t assigned to the class and that I should go to the counselors to get a new and updated schedule. As I'm walking to the counselors I see everyone dressed up wearing biker jackets, low-rise pants, mini skirts, etc. Girls had their hair up using a scrunchie or had their hair down wearing a hat. Everyone kind of had their own style. 

As I walked into the counselors office, it wasn’t as busy as I thought it would be for the first day. I go into my grade counselors office, asking about my schedule. She starts telling me that they messed up my schedule and they wanted me to do a math class for the whole semester. I told them I wasn’t going to and walked out. 

After walking out of the building I called my mom. Though she was very upset, this is what I wanted to do. Me and her both knew I would not be going back to school. I mean, I always knew college wasn’t going to be my path, but I did want to at least be able to say I graduated. Make my mom and dad proud of me. 

Once I got home, I realized how mad my mom was going to be coming home, So I decided to leave and go with my friends who either dropped out or already graduated. Every summer day was spent with them. I had a job but only went for a couple hours of the week, just enough money to be able to spend when I was with my friends. Jason, he was always the funny one. Now Danny, he was the troublemaker out of all of us. But, Cigi was my best friend and always the one driving. Also because she was the only one out of us who had a car. She had a 2000 Honda s2000. Her parents were kinda rich, they also had a huge house in the back of the woods. That’s where we threw all of the parties. 

After dropping out I kind of felt relieved. Until my phone is blowing up with my mom texting and calling my phone. But, I didn’t care so I powered my phone off and continued to hangout with my friends. That same night, they were having a big first day party at Cigi’s. So, as I spent the day with them I decided to go to the party. The whole time I started to worry knowing my mom didn’t know where I was nor if I was safe. Until, my high school crush came up to me at the party.

His name was Josh, he was 6 '3 with brown short buzzed hair, and so handsome. He has been my crush ever since 9th grade. Oh, and cigi my best friend? Yea, her and Josh were very close, as if they were siblings. She has always tried to get us together, but I told her no because I didn’t think he actually liked me, until now. 

Josh came up to me and said “Hey trinity, I heard you dropped out today, are you ok?” I kind of just stood there staring at him and admiring him. I think for a little too long because he then said “Hello? Do you wanna go home?” I then realized I had to say something so I came back and said “Oh no, yea im fine I’d actually rather stay than go home. Mom isn’t too happy.” We continued a conversation then he asked to take me home. Though I wasn’t ready to go home, I knew I had to.

As we pull up to my house, I thank him for the ride and he asks to see me again. Of course I say yes and we exchange numbers. When I go in the house I see my mom sitting on the couch with a very angry face. I ended up just going to my room and no words were exchanged.

The next morning I wake up, my mom is at work and all of my things are packed up with a note saying “I will always love you, but if you can’t even do what's best for you and go to school for one more year then maybe you will be better off staying with your dad. I already texted him and told him you were coming. - Love mom”. I was a little upset she had me leaving like this but I knew I would still see her and I knew living with my dad would be the best. He was not strict at all and I was a daddy’s girl, so I knew I would be fine.

When I got to my dads, as I started unpacking he told me that he was kind of upset with the decisions I made, but still loved me and supported everything I do. I told him I know and I will always try my best to make him happy.

A couple months later, after a couple of dates and meeting my dad, Josh and I finally got together. OFFICIALLY! I was so happy when he asked me, and my dad really likes him. 

Though I was happy with Josh, a couple weeks after we got together my dad got diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. We all knew he wasn’t gonna make it too long so my mom started to come around more and I slowly started to move my things back into her house. 

2 years later

Last week was my dads funeral, it was the worst thing I have had to go through in my entire life. But, at least I had Josh there to help me through it. Speaking of Josh, today we are going to the doctors for a check up for him and me because I have been throwing up, and I think I might be pregnant….

Later, at the doctors as I am waiting on my test results, me and Josh get some really bad news. After going through what I just did with my dad, we get told Josh has cancer and will be having to do chemo. After hearing this I didn’t know what to do and having a baby wasn’t even on my mind until the doctors come back and say i'm pregnant. All that was going through my head was, “Is my child gonna grow up with a father?” “Is Josh gonna make it and beat it?” I had so many things going through my mind.

Once we got home, we told my mom the bad news, and she was devastated and told us no matter what happens, us and the baby will always be safe and taken care of. Me and Josh didn’t know what to do. Once a month we would go to the doctors for a check up, and the last time we went, they told us it was getting worse over time. Josh had to start doing chemo and it was getting so bad he was losing hair.

Couple months later, my stomachs getting bigger and I'm 4 months pregnant. Now Josh is fully bald and in hospice. Life was really beating me, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want my baby to grow up without a father. It was always a questioning kind of thing with Josh. One minute he was perfectly fine and had all the energy then the next, he was sleeping, laying in bed, and even throwing up. 

As the day is coming up and I’m about to have our child, Josh tells me something. He said he knows he doesn’t have much longer and that he has been seeing things. I asked him what he meant and he said “When I’m laying down and about to go to bed, I start to see things. Things like your dad fishing and other people I’m close to that have passed.” Fishing was my dads favorite thing to do, and I know it was his sign of letting him know he didn’t have much longer. I spent the whole day with Josh and just told him how much I loved him and our baby will always be loved and safe.

The next day, I woke up to a call from the doctors saying Josh was gone. I didn’t know what to do all I had was my mom. I didn’t have any other family or friends. Everyone kind of went their own ways after me and Josh got serious. I sat at the hospital all day with josh. I was not ready for it to be this soon. I was about to have our baby. 

3 and half weeks later

Here I am. At the hospital about to have my baby and Josh isn’t even here. I feel so empty, but I know he is with me mentally. It just sucks having to raise a child with no father. I never even thought about moving on or finding someone else. I needed to be focused on me and my family, I didn’t need any more stress. Next week we’re burying Josh. This is all happening to fast, and now I'm having my baby only having me and my mom. This is not gonna be easy.