The third love theory is a mystery to most. It claims that the first love is “intimacy love”. The second love is “passion love”. Finally, the third love is the “ commitment love”. I believe it’s all bullsh*t, nonsense, a myth. I know people who have fallen in love once and that was their soulmate. I have also seen the opposite where they can fall in love 6 or 7 times and have not found their soulmate. I have been in love twice. The first was toxic. But the second… The second was a dream come true. Some would say a miracle. I learned how to be myself without a care in the world. I will forever love both of them. They made me who I am today. I don’t regret a second of it. I just wish I said, did, and cared just a little more. Laughed a little harder, cried a little less, and lived a little more to the fullest. 

My second love made me realize that anything ends in seconds whether it will hurt or not. I love him. His voice, his smile, his eyes, his personality, but most of all I love how he can look me in the eyes and know exactly what I feel and think. He knows me well, too well sometimes. The dreams and nightmares, he’s there to listen or judge?  Sometimes it seems as if he was doing both. It may be selfish but I want him all to myself. To love and care for. Thoughts run through my mind through the sun and moon. What? When? Where? Why? How? They chase the hope and possibilities. They blind me and make me nauseous. The thought of him terrifies me. Good or bad? The pit sinks to the bottom my stomach says “no” but my heart and head say “f*ck it, why not?”. What if it happens again? The bickering, yelling, sleepless nights waiting by the phone, the worrying, and the leaving. Back and forth. Back and forth. The third love theory controls me. What if he is my one, the one? What if he’s no one? I can’t handle it. Not anymore. Either it’s on or it’s over. No more controlling my mind. No more sacrificing my days. I’m done, but I don't want to be. If he shows up then I’ll know he’s “the one”. If he doesn't then know he was not supposed to come back. He showed me what he needed to do.  His purpose is fulfilled. That's what love is. Love is to hurt and heal. It’s to show you how to live your best life. To better yourself.

 So yeah, the third love rule is bullsh*t, It’s a myth. It gives a false sense of hope to those who put faith in it. It’s the same with tarot, psych, or palm readings. No one can tell you your future. Especially not by looking at cards, or a crystal ball, or even your hand. So my advice for anyone living in this world is to not care. Be yourself and live your life. Don't worry about finding your person. Don’t rush it because when you both are ready you will find each other. But until then it doesn't matter. Go party with friends, go 60 down the road, kiss that boy you like, blast music at 3 a.m., post that Instagram picture, make tiktoks, eat junk food, and go out in that sexy red dress. But most importantly, don’t care what others tell you or say about you because, at the end of the day, you are you. Nobody can change that. Learn to love yourself and put yourself first so when that person comes you will be ready for it. 

I once told him he was the love of my life and after everything, I still believe what I said. They say love is an ‘instant attraction with a bit of nervousness. It's the "feeling of butterflies in your stomach," Lewandowski says. "It's an intense feeling of joy, that can also feel a bit unsure because it feels so strong."’ To me, love is a word to describe a feeling of pleasure. Love is the feeling of being safe around that person no matter what. It’s to think of that person through everything you do. It’s to want to tell them everything as soon as it all happens. It’s the need to make them happy despite how you feel. It’s the comforting feeling when you wake up next to them with your hair a mess and no makeup on. It’s the feeling of having no worries. Love isn't about seeing the other person naked every chance you get. 

Love isn’t your family liking them. It's spending hours with nothing to talk about but still finding stuff to laugh about. It’s watching that person do anything they want in life and still supporting them endlessly. After everything he still texted me again. He claims “You are the reason”. I know what he means, I always have. For some odd reason he can make absolutely no sense to anyone else but he will to me. I wear his ring around a chain on my neck. Not to make myself remember everything just to feel safe with something of his near me. I want to grab his hand and run in the rain and just dance for hours. Driving down the road listening to music singing with him. Holding his hand when I get scared. Calling him late at night when I can’t sleep. He makes my life worth living. Until I met him I hated the feeling of love. I didn’t want to be in love again but it caught me by surprise. He swept me off my feet the first chance he got. I fell in love with him because of the look in his eyes. His smile and charm stopped me in my tracks. It was breathtaking. The way he asked me where I worked the first day we met until the last day he told me he loved me was all a dream come true. When he left it broke me then he came back and I'm okay again. He knows my every move before I even think of it. He understands me like no other. I can’t begin to imagine my life without him. He has shown me how to be open and live my life the way I want it. I know I will never have to worry about him leaving or falling for another because I have faith in us, in him. His soul is soft and gentle like his voice but his hands and heart feel as if they were trying to pull away out of fear. I want to hear his voice say he loves me. I want to hear him ramble on about everything he loves. I want to grow as wise as he is one day. He completes me. I want to live my life with him through thick and thin. I wouldn’t want to wake up to anyone else.  He sits through the nightmares and trauma. His hands are warm on my back as he holds me. The scent of his clothes drives me wild as I drift back to my wonderland. A wonderland where he is loved by my family and we get to forever be happy in love. But that's all a wonderland with unknown people and creatures who aren’t my real family. My brain wonders as he fills my heart with healing. The way he holds me is enough to make my wonderland come to life. He’s the one I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with. He’s the one who I wouldn't mind taking care of me when I'm sick. He is the only male I would let walk me home if I was drunk. My gut agrees with my head and heart now. I love him. I don’t want to lose him again. I can’t begin to explain the real feeling of love but I know what it feels like because of him.