As I was slowly getting ready for practice I kept thinking about how I didn’t belong; I wasn’t going to do good; that I was going to be made fun of. I started to walk towards the wrestling room, extremely nervous and trying to prepare myself for the worst. It was like being pulled underwater and trying to swim up, I couldn’t. I was one of the first to arrive so I got to see who was going to be in this room with me, for better or for worse. As I saw them plopping themselves down on the mats in the corner, there were only two people I knew very well, my brother and an eighth grader. I told myself over and over, “everyone hates me, no one knows me, they don’t like me.” I knew that this was going to be my worst year of high school.

We started to warm up and I saw what they were doing, I didn’t think it was going to be so bad. Then our coach talked with us and when it was time to start practicing, he said for everyone to get with their partner. I was terrified, I had no idea who I was going to practice with. I did hear about this one girl who was supposedly a wrestler, but she was nowhere to be seen. All I could think about was how alone I was and how everyone hated me. I wanted approval from at least one person who was influential to the team. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to have a place. My uncle, the assistant coach, paired me up with a kid named Jacob. As I was busy calculating who he was in my head, my uncle was talking about how he was really good with beginner wrestlers and how he would be a great influence on me. As me and him were practicing, I couldn’t tell if he was really helping me or just wanted to get practice over with. I felt bad for him, wrestling a girl who had no experience with this sport on the first few days of the season. Only boys could do this kind of stuff, I wasn’t tough enough or strong enough. When we were done with practice, I sat in the locker room thinking about how bad I had done on my first day. I couldn’t do it, I could never get to my goal of trying to stand out from the crowd.

It had been about two months since I joined and I was getting better and better each practice. Jacob kept on saying that I was surprisingly strong and that if I put my mind to it I could pin someone in a match. I was never able to wrestle in any of our meets before that because I was taking drivers ed. Then once the two weeks of drivers ed were over, I could go to the meets. They all kept on getting canceled because of the terrible Minnesota snow. This made me extremely nervous because I thought I would lose my first match or mess up severely in doing something. Then the day finally came, January 5, a meet at Stewartville. I was scared and anxious. I didn’t know where to go and I felt like a complete idiot.

We started to warm up, I tried to keep my mind on other things but I kept thinking about how badly I was going to wrestle. Then junior varsity started to wrestle, it was quiet in that gym. There were some voices that yelled out suggestions, but other than that, only the sound of shoes and bodies hitting the mat. It was my turn, I started to walk up to the bench; I told them my name and went to the middle of the mat. The big lights, all pointed at the middle of the gym. I saw my opponent and was terrified; taller than me, slight buzz cut, and very muscular. I had no hope, I was for sure going to get taken down within first period. We shook hands and wrestled. I kept going for a single leg and he kept avoiding it. I took some other approaches and was finally able to get him down. Every time I felt that I was going to lose, I told myself, try harder or become the failure that you’ve always been envisioning. He actually wasn’t as strong as he looked, he was actually about my level. BUZZ! First period was done and I was kind of worn out. I looked at my team and they looked hopeful, I started to realize maybe I could win this after all. It was near the middle of second period when I finally pinned him with a half nelson. One. Two. Three. WHISTLE! I did it! I wasn’t a failure!

As I got up, the ref yelled my name and raised my hand into the air. I was so proud of myself, I thought I was going to fail miserably. I couldn’t believe what I had accomplished. I walked to the mat and the team stood up and put out their hands for me to hit, I had a whole bunch of adrenaline running through my body. I was excited, I wanted to wrestle again! I was so happy and relieved that I had gotten my first pin of the season. I felt unstoppable! I started to realize my potential, I started to believe in myself a little more. I went on to win my next few matches, after that there was mostly losing and only two more wins after that. But I was proud of myself, I knew that if I tried harder and harder at every practice that I would become better. I knew I could do it, I just needed to believe that I could get to the goal of standing out. I didn’t want to be another girl who wanted the message, “Look at me! I’m a girl and I can do what a boy can do!” I just wanted other people to look up to me, I wanted them to stop judging me. Maybe the moral to some people might be that a girl can do what a boy can do, but for me, this was all about putting my mind to something that I thought I was never able to do.