At a young age I was exposed to funerals, disease, and tragedy. Though it hurt me, these experiences prepared me for the trauma I would later endure:

  I can count at least 7 deaths by disease that have affected me. 3 unexpected fatalities, and 9 natural losses that my memory can trace.  This is, but a small sampling of solely my family members. The list is far too large to include all who weren’t blood kin.

  19 terminations in which they have concluded right in front of my windshield. Each tragic demise approached me unpredictability. Some wiped me out like a greyhound bus. Others took a slow process for me to fully apprehend. Some, the pain and grief worsened daily, and some were easier as the sun sunk down.

  Most kids my age would say they haven’t lost anyone. If they have, perhaps it would be their great grandparents or a distant cousin they barley knew. For me, things came different. My family is unyielding, never walking away from one another. We sit through one another’s last breath, watch them scream in agony. Why do we do this? 3 words- Love. Dedication. Family.

  I was lucky enough to say my goodbyes, but some I didn’t make it in time to. The goodbyes were long. Emotional. At five years old I had to kiss the hand of one of my closest relatives goodbye. Those images will never leave my head. “Squeeze my hand Laura”, I uttered to her. I just wanted a little sign. Her eyes wouldn’t open, her breaths were shallow. I’ve lived and I’ve learned, and it’s only by virtue of these experiences that I can confront further fatalities, which are evident to occur.

  The grief, the despair, the sorrow- it follows me forever. It stacks up and rumbles like a tempestuous storm. I hold it in and I hold it in again. The lightning zaps the tender spots. Eventually it all comes out. The tears. And I’m somewhat emptied…until the next departure comes to scoop up my folks- the nearest and dearest to me.

  You can find me at the bus stop. Preparing my for my 32nd funeral. Packing up my emotions and mental well-being to follow behind the next hearse.