“Is it Eva or Ava?” “Did I say that right?” 

Oh, the struggle of being Eva. It’s spelt with an E for a reason. Eva Eva Eva. Eva that’s my name. Ava to others—but that’s fine, ill get over it.

You may be thinking, “Eva, how is that a struggle? It’s short and easy. Three letters. That’s it.” But to be honest, it takes a while for others to get my name right. You hear of Ava’s more than Eva’s. Which makes it so difficult to pronounce, I think.  

Eva. Mother of life. Good news. And beloved. All according to Hebrew and Hindi languages. But to me, it’s boring, a struggle, and not very special. 

My siblings have cool long names like Josaphine, Vivyan, and Lorelai but I’m stuck with Eva. It sounds boring and dull. Like the color grey or a rainy day. Just plain dull.

Eva. a young girl with ADHD and Anxiety. A girl with a huge family and no quiet time. A girl with a whole life in front of her. Eva. An outgoing, natural-born leader. A highly focused, achievement-orientated girl—with a life of being called the wrong name.  

It sounds important, but why do I feel like the orange in the back of the drawer. Sitting and waiting to be noticed? Getting pushed to the back till someone throws it away.   The toy at the bottom of the bin. Forgotten and scratched and smushed by new toys on top. The oddball out. Getting lost in a family of achievers and leaders.

Since growing up my family has never called me by my real name its always been “E” or “Turtle”. Turtle is a story for another time. But it was never Eva and I don’t think it will be for a long time. Feeling misplaced and like it’s a bad name to never be called it by my family. An apple with some tomatoes. Looks similar but is different.

I don’t really like my Name and often wish for more. A different name should do the trick. Something exciting, full of energy, chaos, mess. If I could I would choose to be called Rory. Exciting like a lion’s roar full of energy and chaotically loud. The roar of a cub is gentle yet energetic and fun.

Yes, Rory will do.