My goggles filled with tears, it was too late now so I just let the tears flow.  

In 6th grade during club swim, I had a very hard time not comparing myself to others.  It was mostly one girl that I compared myself to. To keep the name confidential I will call her “Jessica”.  Jessica was actually one of my very close friends. She was very nice, smart, and great at swimming. She had so many things I wished I had.  We were both twelve, so that would mean that we were in the eleven and twelve age group. But because Jessica was so good, she got moved up to the thirteen plus age group.  We were in lanes right next to each other, so I watched her swim faster and stronger than I ever thought was possible. Most days I would cry watching her swim. I would scream underwater “Why can’t I be like Jessica,”  I told myself that she wasn’t pretty to try and make myself feel better, but she was pretty. I told myself that I could sing better than her, which was true, she needed work. And then she started improving her singing and I got even more jealous of her.  It had become a very normal routine. I would go to swim practice, watch Jessica swim, cry, and then do It all over again the next day. I never told anyone this. I didn’t even talk to God about this. 7th grade rolled around and I remember getting mad at Jessica for wearing new trends such as ripped jeans.  Looking back on it, Jessica must have been so confused why I was mad at her because I never told her I was mad. She would say “hey” and I would say “hey” but I really began to distance myself from her. It was then time for the 7th grade retreat at my church. I was super excited because I had never been on a retreat before.  At the retreat, I attended this thing called Adoration in which we went into the church and looked at the Eucharist up on the altar. At adoration, I poured everything out to God. All the jealousy, guilt, and sadness. I cried at the feet of God and told him ‘I don’t want to be jealous anymore’ and ‘I’m so sorry’ There was no particular moment in adoration that brought me closer to God, I just stared at the Eucharist, God, until I started crying.  I washed away everything that was hurting and gave it to God. That was the best adoration I have been to to this day.