Around my neck is a chain. Just a simple chain that holds three things. A Texas charm, a ring, and a small cross. The cross is smaller than the rest and is starting to change color due to many summers of swimming in chlorine pools. It hangs upside down because it can never stay right side up, but it means the world to me and also brings pain at the same time.

    I was at a church retreat with two of my friends. We learned valuable information and had fun playing many rounds of Apples to Apples. At the end of the night, we were all given a bracelet with a simple cord holding a small cross. We decided then and there that these were to be our friendship bracelets and to remind us of all the fun we had. We all wore them night and day. Always remembering our fun times together. Then one day the old cord broke in two and couldn’t be fixed. I still wanted to keep it for a reminder of our friendship, so I decided to hang it on my chain that holds all other sorts of memories. It fit just fine and I wore it all the time. After about two years, one friend grew distant, while the other stayed right beside me. We never had time to hang out and eventually she stopped talking to me and started to talk to other people. The friend who stayed with me was lucky. We co-teach together at our church, so we were always together at least once a week. Being together helped keep our friendship alive. I've tried getting together with my lost friend, but when we do manage, we don’t know what to do or talk about. It feels as if we were never friends before. My friendship with her is tragically ruined.

    This happens to a lot of people. Especially teenagers. It’s a part of life to lose and gain friends, but it still hurts. Losing a friend is draining, but losing a best friend is even more draining. Some people kind of know before it happens. I wasn’t so lucky. I didn’t see it coming, so when it did happen, it just came out of nowhere. What can you do about it? Is there anything you can do? These are just some of the questions running through my mind and if I’m being honest, I still don’t have a clue how to answer any of those questions. In fact, instead of answers popping up, I secure more questions and the dreaded what if’s. What if I caused my friend to go away. What if I could have stopped it. What if, what if, what if. I know I shouldn’t listen to these, but I can't help it. They flash through my mind when my brain is free of thinking. They surprise me when I least expect them to. I wish with all my heart that I could answer my questions and banish my what if’s, but I won’t be able to right now. Maybe in the future it will all be better. Maybe. Just maybe. At least at this point in my life I know that I should keep my friends close and try hard to mend friendships that have broken. I’ll never forget that and I’ll always see friendship and hardship every time I look at my cross on the chain.