New.

And there I was, leaning over half-packed boxes and empty rolls of tape with the same dreadful feeling I never thought I’d have to feel again. Promises to stay in our three bedroom townhouse across from the park, filled with memories until I graduate, no longer meant anything. The lasting friendships and bonds I had created in that lavender town felt compromised, I never wanted to leave Willow Street. Everything was going to change, but change is always inevitable. New faces and new places, but I wasn’t ready for any of it.

The last box was packed and the last hope I had that this was all just a joke, vanished. Tears dripped on my seatbelt as I looked back at the “Welcome to Sequim” sign, and the irony killed me. An eight hour drive across the state, all the way to a state of sadness that felt like the end of everything. All I could think about was how bad I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. A couple weeks that felt wasted, unpacking the boxes and trying to feel at home in a place that made me homesick. I wanted my best friends, Lucy, Alberto, and Milana. The happiness our frozen yogurt dates and bonfire nights at Port Williams gave me. But a three minute drive to school turned into 35 minutes. My best friends turned into texts and snapchats. Bonfire nights turned into nights alone with only a candle and my thoughts. With the sound of my 6am alarm came the worst feeling of it all.

I got dressed, brushed my teeth and hoped I looked good enough, first impressions are a one time, one shot thing after all. The drive down seemed like the longest drive of my life until I finally arrived in the parking lot and wished there were more miles. I turned off my car and took a deep breath, unbuckled my seatbelt, grabbed my bag, and headed for the heavy doors. Everything was foreign. The faces, the carpet, the feeling. When the first bell rang I headed to my first class, I had never felt more nervous. Thoughts of “what do I say if someone talks to me? What do I not say? What if I’m just another person nobody wants to know?” It seems typical and overplayed out like a generic highschool movie, but the anxiety overtook me and I couldn’t catch my breath. I tried my best to hopefully just blend in with everyone to avoid confrontation. To no avail though, as I was a foreigner in a foreign place, looking lost, and everyone could tell. Everything was new to me and I was new to everyone. Nobody knew where I had come from, and in a way that comforted me. That first “Hey, what’s your name?” finally approached me and now here I am, still foreign, still homesick, and forever hanging onto how things used to be. I wonder what my life would be like right now if my dad had never fallen in love with the house on Highway 395. If there was a way I could have stayed. But, now I’m somewhat content. Making new friends, new memories, and actually enjoying this fresh start. Change is scary, even horrifying, but I don’t think now that I’d change this new life for the world.