We all knew it was coming soon, but that does not mean we were ready. We knew she would not live forever, but that does not mean we wanted to believe it was happening now. She was getting worse and worse, each day her face swelled a little more. She was already on medications. That helped a bit, but you could tell she was in pain and not enjoying her life as much anymore. We knew it was time to say goodbye; we had to put her first, and not ourselves.

“I love you with all my heart. You’ve always been here for me, when I’m upset, sad, or happy you know how to act. I don’t know how you know what I need and when I need it, but you do and it’s incredible. I love you more than anything or anyone in the world. I will always miss you, Bounce,” I say through tears to my best friend and first dog.

I look at how she lays down in the grass then rolls onto her side to scratch her head where there is a large bump. That bump is a cancerous tumor that cannot be removed at her age because she would not be able to survive the surgery. She’s had the tumor for a couple months, but it did not start bothering her until a few days ago. I see my sister, Caity, out of the corner of my eye, she is trying to hide the tears streaming down her face.

“I know,” I say to her while putting my arm on her shoulder. She doesn’t make any movement besides wiping tears when they come. I know if she tries talking it will make her cry more.t will do the same to me, so I’m not upset that she doesn’t respond. We both turn our attention to Bounce who is enjoying the backyard for one of the last times. She runs towards the pond or at least tries to run(it is more of a slow jog), and once she gets there she lays down under my hammock. I think about the first day I put that hammock up, Bounce immediately laid under it as soon as I put it up. She always liked being by right by my side when we were with each other. I snap back into reality and stand up from the itchy grass that’s pushed down since I had been sitting there for almost an hour. I start to walk over towards Bounce but before I get very far, she is already coming over to me. She likes to stay in my general vicinity so that whenever I get up she will follow me even if I just move two feet away. I know that I will miss that.

“I’m going to sit by the pond, do you want to come with?” I ask Caity half expecting her not to respond.

“Yeah I’ll be over in a second I’m just going to get a water real quick.” She says as she stands up.

“Alright, sounds good,” I respond.

We start walking in opposite directions and Bounce does not know who to follow so I pat my leg to get her to come with since I know she will automatically turn around to follow me once she realizes Caity is going inside. I keep walking over to the pond with Bounce troughing by my side. I look down at her and see how she is happy to be outside for longer and I think about the first time she got to come into this backyard a couple of months ago when we moved.

It was July 15, the day after we bought our new house. My sisters and I walk in the unfamiliar place with our three dogs. I know that Bounce will be super excited about the huge backyard so once she walks around the inside of the house for a little bit I open up the back door to our porch. She runs right through the doorway and down the porch stairs onto the patio and then starts sprinting around the edge of the woods until she makes it to the pond that was overflowing into our yard from all the rain. She immediately started going into the water. She has loved the water since she was a puppy when we lived on a lake. She is jumping and running in the shallow part of the water. Once she gets bored doing that she goes all the way into the water and starts swimming. I was going to stop her but I have not seen her in the water in so long and I forgot how much she loved it.

“Want some?” Caity asks me, snapping me back into reality. She has a water bottle in her hand extended out to me.

“No thanks, I’m all good,” I respond.

“What time is it?”

“Uhhh it’s around four I believe,” I say as I pull my phone out of my pocket. “Four twenty-two.”

Neither of us says anything because we know that it is getting really close to the time we have to leave for the vet. The plan is to leave around five but I know that all of us are going to stall as long as possible. I know that eventually we will have to go but it does not feel real yet, it does not feel real that soon when I come home I won’t see Bounce in my bed sleeping waiting for me to get home, it does not feel real that soon my other two dogs won’t have their best friend they love so much.

Caity and I sit by the pond for another half an hour until Bounce is ready to go back inside. We see her start walking towards the patio which she only does when she is all done outside, so we get up and follow her. When I see her walking back up the stairs I start to get teary-eyed again, seeing her having to go so slow up the stairs makes me think about how we really do have to let her go. It’s little things like that that really get to me and start making me tear up. By the time we are all up to the stairs, I am not trying to hold back tears anymore, I gave up trying about an hour ago so I have a little stream going down my cheeks.

It’s time to leave. We all get into the cars, tears rolling down our faces. I go with my Caity and bounce in Caity’s car. Bounce is on my lap laying down like always even though she is not even close to the size of a lap dog. She uses to hate car rides but she got more comfortable with them as long as I would let her sit in my lap instead of in the back seat. Caity’s car is a convertible mustang so there really is not that much space which makes it hard to hold Bounce comfortably but I do my best to make it nice for her. I don’t mind being so close to her and she doesn’t seem to mind being that close to me either so it works out pretty well.

In the vet’s office, we sit for an hour or two as a family thinking about all the good moments we had with her. Bounce was making her rounds like she knew what was going on. She would go to one of us stop for a couple minutes so they could pet her and then move onto the next person. She did this almost the whole time. It made me feel a little better than she seemed to know what was going on, it felt more like she was making the choice not us. I knew this was right for her even if I would suffer from it. I tell myself that I need to let go because she needs it more, she’s ready and that is what matters. I will be okay after time passes but she would have only gotten worse and worse, I can’t make her last memories be bad. It was her time to go, and we all knew that, including her. I watch her make her way over to my mom. She lays down by my mom’s feet, and the vet gives her the shot. We all say our last goodbyes. Slowly, her eyes shut.