I still remember the phone ringing its fine tune, and the sound of the voice quivering on the other end. It was 9:00 pm ,Sunday, November 4th, I just got done with my late night run. My mom came up with this new rule that my phone goes it her room at 8:30 every night, which I had absolutely no problem with since I don’t like texting that much anyway. The first ring from my phone buzzed from upstairs,once I heard it I implored my mom to let me answer, but my mom said it was too late to talk and that I could do so in the morning.  Then the second ring went, begging my mom to let me answer, I wasn’t sure why I wanted to answer it so bad, I just did though. After constant begging and whining she finally caved in, I sprinted up the stairs and dialed my friends number.

The voice was hoarse, and I could hear the sound of her sniffling. As a natural instinct I asked what's wrong. My eyes filled with tears with the words that broke my heart. A fatality has occurred to one of my dear friend in a car crash. My head began to get hot and steamy, unable to process what words were coming through the phone that I pressed against my ear. Why her? Why now? Why ever? Where questions that filled my head, my world had just turned upside down.

I told myself that they must be mistaken. Until my mom came to my room and told me there had been a car crash with two students from school and their brother, two with injuries, and one fatality. My emotions at the time where untamed. Beginning to be mad at God for taking my friend away from me. My friend, the one that always made me happy when I was sad, my friend that said the funniest things at the best and worst times, my friend that was connected to me and grew as a part of me. I was confused, and I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it, I’ve never experienced losing someone that I cared for and talked to everyday.

My eyes were swollen for when I woke up for school, unable to even remember falling asleep that tragic night. At this point I didn’t care, I didn’t care if I was late for class, or if i ate, my mind just went blank. Shock is the word I would use to describe it.

Walking through the school gates was the hardest part. Unable to be sure what my mind will go through once I enter the place we first became friends. Although, most of my day was spent in the library with counselors and other friends of hers. Quickly nobody cared who was hugging who, because overall, we all missed her, and we all believed she was ours.

Crying and hugging, then laughing and sharing stories, then back to crying is what fulfilled my day. Shock passed, now it was disbelief that swirled in my head. Still wanted to believe she would walk through the door to 5th period and give me a hug. Although, it never did happen…

Time is healing me, I will never forget the way her smile lit up the room, and made an impact on everyone around her. Forever with me always no matter what. Time won’t take the pain and sorrow I feel, but it will somehow just feel better, not because I will forget, nor will I block it from my memory, but because she would want me to be happy again. Taking each day slowly and remembering the memories we had together, but I will never give up the belief of hoping one day she will walk up to me again with a smile and a new joke to tell.

In Loving Memory of Lilah W. 2018