Trying to make an “us” out of “you” and “me”, I find nothing. We continue to live this thing we call life. Yet we find that you're double dipping. Not only your food but my heart. You live this life with me wanting me to be tolerable yet, I am not.

You leave me heartbroken. You leave me surveying a place to go. Standing alone in this world with you gone, I leave. I leave to go to the place we used to go together. Some of my best memories were made here. Sitting here letting the wells of my eyes empty, I gaze upon the road you used to travel, yet you never show. I used to stare into your eyes, now I stare at the sunset, which I have always ignored in the past. Seeing the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen, I am reminded you are gone.

You are gone. Not only from my phone but from my life. Not leaving me with a reason why, my mind wanders. Wanders from thoughts of being by your bedside to suicide. I call your phone all the while knowing you will never answer, I dial anyways. Wanting to fill all the unfulfilled words I never told you, I find myself incapable to do so.

I walk down a road I travel daily. Never before noticing all the individual pieces of gravel like I did tonight. As tearful as I find myself I find my way back home. Back to the place I used to find happiness. I used to find happiness in seeing your name on my phone.

Wanting to give up my life for you I begin my journey to the place we used to laugh and talk. I can't even feel myself breathing anymore. I travel home. Travel home so I can close my eyes so I feel this emptiness no more for a few hours. Yet, I know I have to wake up to the pain the next day. The longer I stay awake at night the less time I am alert during the day.

I put aside not only my personal hygiene but my happiness. The longer I stir upon the thought of giving up, the post is made. The collection of messages pour into my inbox like the firing of a soldier’s gun.

Messages of inspiration and elation I make the determination to not let you destroy me and leave my heart broken. I introduce myself to the idea of karma. Smile on my face having acknowledged the definition I delete the messages and lies you placed in my head.

I hope you are never struck with the pain you inflicted on me. I hope you never love someone who does not love you. That is the greatest pain because it has no cure. I hope you never sit alone and cry. Cry not because of sadness, but due to lack of hope. No hope and a broken heart is a disastrous recipe. So I change a few ingredients and make a new life for myself.

_________ I wish you the best in life. But you will have to hurt someone else, because I am worth it. I am worth the drive and determination I have within myself. I am worth it.

Sincerely,

The broken heart I mended.