My scariest moment I have ever experienced is when I found out my brother passed away. I was at my friends house and we were hanging out because I wanted to relax since I knew my brother was going to be fine he usually always was, but My dad picked me up early and said we were going to see my brother I was happy at first I asked if he was fine and out of the hospital, but he just shook his head and right there I knew that wasn’t the case he passed away and never left the hospital. I was having to go to get closure me and my dad waited for my sister in the parking lot the kind you drive up we were at the top. When my sister arrived she ran right to me and began to cry I have a hard time crying so I just hugged her and me, my dad, my sister, and her husband all went to the elevator and went up to the fourth to top floor. When the doors of the elevator opened my mom was there waiting for us, all us girls hugged and cried, we began walking to the room with my brother I took a moment before walking in, I walked in and had seen my aunt Aidie and uncle Mike they both  hugged me and said they were sorry I don’t know why it wasn’t their fault. I said goodbye to my brother and just looked at him and began to cry there was no holding back that time.

After a while of standing there I was having a hard time breathing because I was crying so much so I asked to leave and so my dad and I walked to the waiting room we saw a few of my brothers friends there too I wanted to say hi, but my dad doesn’t like them so I decided it would be best if we just sat there. I was scared because that day I realized I was going to have to live without my big brother and best friend and I didn’t want
that I hated it and still do. This is what scares me the most because it still is scaring me I don’t have my big brother anymore. For his funeral, we had actually had a memorial since he was cremated. At the funeral everyone was crying I was seeing people I haven’t seen in years and giving them hugs, after the walking around and seeing each other we had sat down so people could say a few words after one of his friends went up I went up and I had said my first words “He was my big brother” and after those five words I began to cry and I don’t know if anyone could understand a word I said because I was crying while talking. I was so scared up there knowing I was telling myself he’s really gone I didn’t want to admit it yet, but it was my brother’s funeral I was going to say what I wanted to one way or another.

After I did I walked over and stood with my mom and big sister. I still have a hard time telling myself that he is gone and it’s not fake he’s not over at a friend’s he’s not running around being stupid like usual. I miss him I want him back I don’t know what my life is supposed to be like without him. People are scared for me because since I have a hard time crying and letting things out they are afraid that I won’t ever let it out I am a little too because I have huge knots in my back from everything in my life and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to not be scared but knowing I don’t have a big brother anymore it’s pretty hard to not be scared of knowing that. To this day I am still scared most my childhood I grew up with a big brother I’m scared to have to learn how to live without him and I’m scared every time someone brings him up. I want to see his friends, but then again I don’t because they will remind me of all the good times of playing basketball and football with them in the yard and now I won’t get to do that ever again and I don’t know to do that. Most my friends don’t have older brothers or an older brother so I can see some what-what it’s like, but so far I still don’t like it.

Every night before I go to bed I think of him my room has his things or at least some of them his friends stole most his things, but he still had some and my dad found something of his and I just stared at it, it’s hard to admit that he’s gone and never coming back. The one thing my brother gave me from his death is the courage to give a speech on my life story with him and the cause of his death which so far is going great and hope it continues to go great. A life without my brother to me is scary I don’t get to hang out with him and his buddies anymore, I don’t get to see him unless it’s a picture, I can’t get his advice on things anymore, and I can’t be taught sports from him anymore. My brother was an amazing guy to so many people he had changed so many people’s lives and have always been there I’m scared that they won’t be able to handle it knowing they can’t call him up and say “I need a friend to talk to you available?”. One time he did that a friend had just had a hard day and called my brother up asking if he could walk and talk with him my brother stopped what he was doing and went to his friend. My scariest moment is continuous it won’t stop and I will have to deal with it as much as I hate to say it he’s gone and I’ll miss him ever so much.