The sun would shine through the curtains every so often when someone passed by like a ghost with a trail of wind. My mom and dad were acting like they didn’t even see each other when they moved around the quiet house while my siblings and I stayed in a pack. I was always the outsider. I felt a weird sense that something bad was coming, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I’m an optimist. I’m hopeful and I like to think that everything happens for a reason and if you make the most of it, something good can come from just about anything if you give it a chance to.

When I was eight, not only did my father leave my mother, but he left me.

He didn’t fight for us. He didn’t fight to stay.

My mother casually sat us all down to have a discussion and we were young, but we weren’t clueless. We all knew what was coming, but we didn’t want to believe it at first. My mother practically had to spit the words out of her mouth. She was most likely in denial until the words fell from her lips off into her kids’ ears. She never imagined her life to come down to being a single mother and tearing her family apart. She didn’t want us to feel like we had to choose sides. I feel she felt more sympathy for her children than she did trying to save the marriage she committed to, but she knew it had to be done.

Sadness had covered my face, but the only emotion I could feel was relief. Every night was a late night as I would lie awake listening to everything my parents disagreed on. My mom would come into my room to tell me goodnight, thinking I was asleep, but as the door opened I quickly shut my eyes so she thought I didn’t just hear the whole thing. I didn’t understand why divorce was even a possible thing at the time, as it tears families apart, but I’ve grown to learn that some people grow old, but they never grow up. My dad chose to join the Army after the divorce and now that I can understand, that was probably the best thing for my siblings and I.

My mother is an incredibly hard worker that sets an example for me and only wants what’s best for me, while my father can barely write me a five word text once a week. I aspire to be at least half the person my mother is today, and with that, I’d be lucky.

A wave of relief hit me the day I realized I was done wasting my time waiting for my dad to come back and this life today is what is best for my future. This situation not only made me stronger, but it made me smarter. I don’t settle for anything less than what I want and what I deserve. I put others before myself when it’s necessary. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes my parents made. It made me realize that I want to be sure. I want to be sure about what I want.