All summer I was basically in tears either with my friends or home alone in my room. I finally understood what she was doing to me all along. Even though I didn’t fully understand I just knew I was in a dangerous stage of a relationship.

From February twenty-sixth to July second, 2015 I was in a Domestic Violence relationship. I didn’t really know what Domestic Violence was until my aunt sent me an article at the end of June. I took the time to read the article. After reading the article I finally understood why people were telling me to break up with Noel.

People would ask, “Why don’t you just break up with her already?”

Then people would say, “She’s not worth it. You’re drowning into your own tears everyday.”

Noel would tell me I couldn’t do anything right, showed jealousy of family members, friends, time spent away, accused me of cheating, Kept me from seeing my family and friends, Put me down a lot, acted like something that scared me at times, Controlling me by where I go, who I see, and what I do, Prevented me from making my own decisions, threatened to hurt me, and pressured me to have sexual content with her. Noel made me block Jesus and I couldn’t see him at all. Nor could I see one of my friends because her house was next to Jesus’s friend’s house that he went to all the time. Plus I could barely do anything with anyone even if she was with me.
One of my best friends told me “You should just hang out with Jesus instead of missing him so much.”

So I decided to take my friend Sarah to a park with me and I told Jesus to meet us there. I was happy to see him. Honestly happier than I had been at the time. Noel got mad at me for seeing him.

Noel said, “You made a promise and now you broke it.”

She continually broke up with me and sadly I continually went back to her. I thought I didn’t want to throw away the months I spent with her.

My friend Sarah and I went to the mall to meet up with my friend Kayla. Noel hacked into my account and saw that I asked Kayla to meet up with us. Noel decided to come to the mall to make sure I wasn’t doing anything like cheating or hanging out with my guy friends. She called Kayla and told us to go down by Von Maur. We did and there she was outside of Von Maur. We walked back to the food court. She called Kayla back and told her to go upstairs of Von Maur. So we did and we found Noel. Sarah and Kayla were not too far so if I needed back up I could call them. We decided to go back to the food court. We went into Spencers. Noel tried dragging me from the food court into Spencers. I tried getting out of her hold but she had me in a good grip.
“Stop trying to get away or I’m going to throw you into this glass,” Noel said.

She grabbed me by the arm and turned me around with force.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Noel demanded.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I say while walking away.
“You better tell me what’s wrong” Noel demanded.

I walked out into the mall food court to go to my friends Sarah and Kayla. Noel walked away. Kayla, Sarah, and I walked home and started talking about what Noel said. I didn’t know how to feel at the time. I felt hurt, sad, worried, etc.

I was at my friends house one night and we sat outside because she needed to talk to me.
Kayla told me, “You just need to break up with her. She isn’t worth your tears. You’re just drowning into your own tears being in a relationship with Noel.”
I decided that it was time to end things and so I did. After I broke up with her I was a lot happier. Like a big weight was off my shoulders.
After I broke up with her we stayed friends. Bad choice… It only got worse even if we weren’t dating. I started cutting. I thought Noel had  gotten better so I gave her another chance and decided to go out with her again. Another bad choice. One night Noel stayed at my friend Kelsie’s house with Kayla. Noel decided to sexually assault my best friend while my friend Kelsie was sleeping. The next day before I could even find out I broke up with Noel because I couldn’t handle the relationship anymore.

After I broke up with her she told me her and Kayla had sexual contact and she cheated on me. Noel also called me horrible names. I asked Kayla and she told me the whole story about how Noel sexually assaulting her. I felt so bad. I felt like it was all my fault. To where I started cutting as much as I could when people were not around. My friends started finding out because of the scars and told me to stop. I decided to talk to my friends who have self-harmed for advice. I tried to stop cutting but I started over thinking more.
I started talking to Noel more because I thought she helped.

On September thirtieth,  Noel and one of my best friend were messaging back and forth. He/She sent me screenshots of what they said.
Noel said, “I don’t care about Jennifer anymore.”
“Right because you know you did Domestic Violence,” He/She said.
“Domestic Violence, How the heck is it Domestic Violence. I’ll show her violence. Maybe I should slap her around a little bit,” Noel said.

He/She said, “Do it I dare you! You lay a hand on her and I’ll go to Moline. How bout I send you an article about Domestic Violence then you’ll get how you did Domestic Violence in those 4 months. Okay Bud.”

Noel asked, “You dare me to slap her?”

He/She said, “You do it and I’ll go straight down to Moline.”

Noel explained, “I’m joking. I’m sorry I’m just sad right now. I didn’t mean to say that.”

He/She explained, “NO! I don’t care if you’re joking or not! It doesn’t matter if you’re sad! You don’t say that!”

He/She sent me the screenshots. I couldn’t take it anymore. I messaged Noel.

I said, “You want to hit me now? Hit me go ahead just know you’ll go to jail if you do.”

Noel replied, “Please don’t do this to me right now please.”

I replied, “No I’m tired of your games Noel. You said you wanted to hit me go ahead. Just know you won’t see your family on a daily basis any more since you’ll be in jail.”

Noel replies, “You know I’m slowly losing my mom. What hurts the f***ing most knowing that you don’t care about me.”

I replied, “You never cared about me! You never loved me! You never even liked me!”

“Jennifer I did care. I did love you. I do like you,” Noel replied.
I reply angrily, “NO YOU DIDN’T!”
Noel replies, “Yes I do! Please don’t give up on me.”
I reply, “Too late. Goodbye Noel. I’m done.”
On January 24th, 2016 Noel messaged me out of nowhere. Noel accused me of being on her FaceBook account when I don’t even know her password or email.

“What the f*ck is wrong with you,” Noel asked me.

“Nothing is my problem,” I reply.

“Why are you trying to break me and Lorna up,” She replies.

She replies again with “Listen Jennifer why do you gotta jump in to s**t that has nothing to do with you and if you ever break me and Lorna up I will find you and beat your f***ing a** that is my girlfriend and no one is going to threaten her except for me. Do you got that? So if I ever hear about it happening again I will f***ing find you for real.”

I reply with “I’m not trying to break them up. I don’t give a s*** anymore.”

“Oh is that why you were on my profile,” she asks.

“The last time I was on your account was seconds before you and Lorna got together,” I reply.

She blocked my messages but the next day messaged my mom with screenshots of her acting like me. The screenshots basically said that I was on Noel’s account trying to say Noel was done with Lorna. Also that I was going to go to Davenport and kill Lorna.

Eighty-five percent of victims are women. One fourth of women worldwide will experience this in their lifetime. I was one of the eighty-five percent of the victims and one fourth of the women who experienced this I thought. How could someone do this to an innocent person?

If you or anyone you know is in a domestic violence relationship please ask for help. No one should be going through Domestic Violence.