Patience
(?p?SH?ns)
patience
noun
the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.: "you can find bargains if you have the patience to sift through the dross".

Once upon a time, I had a lot of patience, and by a lot, I mean A LOT. Like trust and respect, Patience has to be gained, and literally takes time. It isn’t something that can be inherited from your parents, but it is a trait that not many people have. Patience is a good thing and is the key to having peace, though patience means having to wait and literally takes time, so I guess you could say I have a lot of free time. Over the years, I lost my patience, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it isn't a good thing either.

So in 2012 when my grandma was first diagnosed with breast cancer, time literally stopped for me. My grandma was the most generous, loving, caring, strong individual who loved to clean anything she could get her hands on. She always had to be doing something and she would never give up anything without a fight. My grandma always pushed me to be my best and she was my motivation, so when I found out she had cancer, I didn’t realize how much it would effect me at the time. She quickly became very weak, and I was her 24/7 at home nurse and she depended on me for everything, but I had a lot of patience and I would have done anything for her. Then, the nurses and doctors gave up on her, and they all thought she wasn’t going to make it, but after months of chemotherapy, radiation, check-ups and surgeries, my grandma was cancer free! Yay grandma! It was a miracle.

It didn’t take long for my grandma to get back to her usual self, for she could not sit still for five seconds. Like I said, she always had to be doing something. You know, my grandma would keep the house spotlessly clean and well looked after. She had a love for plants and flowers too, so there were always flowers all around the house. She also loved to clean! She would even sweep the front yard all the way down to the road, and not one leaf could be seen in her yard. She loved keeping her place tidy, and those are only some of the many things I loved about her. Shortly after bouncing back to her usual self, in 2014 my grandma's cancer came back. Once again, I was completely devastated and this time, she was worse than ever. It started off with breast cancer, but then developed into small cell cancer. This wasn’t happening again.
I know that cancer is a natural thing, that it can’t be cured, but why do bad things happen to good people? My grandma was the best person, and she loved people. She could meet you, talk to you for two minutes and become your best friend. Anyway, when my grandma was sick, I was the nurse again, but her cancer got so bad this time, she wasn’t able to even get up, and being the person she was, she was very fidgety and always yelling my name. “Brianna! “Brianna!” This was when my patience meter started going down. I would be doing my homework, eating or even sleeping and she would shout “Brianna!” With every shout, my patience level went down.
Usually when you're taking care of someone, your level of patience for them increases, but for some weird reason I didn't understand why my patience level decreased. I know she was very needy, and I didn’t want anything to happen to her, so I always responded when she called me, but she called me at least 100 times a day. Then, she went to Guyana for three months and when she came back, I missed her so much that she didn’t have to shout for me anymore. I would constantly be with her, but she still shouted!

After only two weeks of being back from Guyana, my grandma was rushed to the hospital one tuesday afternoon. She was terrible, and everything was falling apart. After being released from the hospital on wednesday, my grandma was transferred to a hospice. The last thing my grandmother said to me was on wednesday night. She held my hand and said “Make sure you take me home tomorrow.” After a week, my grandma had been on so many different i.v. Fluids and medications that she didn't recognize anyone or anything. She began living in the past and most of her time, she was asleep. Saturday soon came and I began thinking about what she told me that Wednesday, how she wanted me to take her home, but my grandmother didn’t get to come home with me.

On Sunday, May 24th, 2015, my grandma died. I still don’t know how to cope with her death, but on that day, May 24, when my grandma died, so did my patience. I mean I still have some patience, but most of it is gone. I’ve been very patient throughout my whole life, but this changed me. I took care of her, and I was there for her, but my experience of being a nurse for her took a lot of patience. I guess every time she wanted something, I had to give it to her right away because anything could have happened at any time. I wasn't ready for anything to happen to her, but now she’s gone. I’ve been patient for a long time, but after this experience, I don’t intend on waiting for anything or anyone anymore.

Some may not understand what it took to take care of her, but it was a struggle. I don’t blame her for anything and I don’t blame anyone, but I think a tragic series of events are enough to change a person. Life is short, and we shouldn't waste it waiting our entire lives for something to happen, because before we know it, we could be dead.