I’ve always been waiting. Waiting for what, you might ask. I’m waiting for whatever comes next. Too many times in my life I’ve overlooked amazing  things that have happened to me in my life by waiting for the things to come. “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell
After starting high school it was graduating; then, driver’s training and getting a job. After that, it is getting my license and moving out and going to college and getting married and buying a house and having kids and becoming successful and retiring and and and and… It’s exhausting.
I work at Hollywood Market, in Lake Orion. It’s a small family owned supermarket with about 40 employees. Everyone knows just about everyone in here. This is where I spend a good portion of my free time, due to the fact that I need to save up money to go to college out of state. As I walk into work, I swipe my ID into the timeslot. I caught a glimpse of myself in the cold, metal reflection. Brown stringy hair, slopped together in a messy bun, hung low on the back of my neck. My chunky black mascara masking my thick lashes into one clump. The eyes that looked back at me were not my own. Jeez, I really look pathetic. I can't believe I have let it get to this point. Why are they letting me out of the house when I look like this...These eyes weren’t the bright and cheerful bluish-green I know. The eyes looking back at me were sad, sagging in the corners, covered with a too light tone of cover up. The cover up was my attempt to try and hide the sleepless nights that have been occurring more often than not lately.
My manager, Andy, shook me from my stupor. “HEY HANNA, we aren’t paying you to look pretty. Get to work.”
Lethargically, I plastered a smile onto my face that felt so forced I could shatter at any minute. Not externally, of course, but internally. Time was taking forever. I watched the seconds pass by on the monitored clock. As we hit a lull I walked to the large window that opened to the outside world.
The sky was black. What time is it anyways? It seemed as though my days were growing shorter and shorter. Someone had turned off the light of day and replaced it with the soft glow of the moon between the clouds. I began to worry that none of the stars could be seen, until, just then, I saw one star. Then another and another and-
“What are you thinking about?” I felt every hair on my body stand on edge and jumped, taken aback by the directness of the question.
Searching to form a coherent thought, I gasped, “oh.my.god.max.you.scared. me.”
His smiled stretched creased his rosy cheeks and spread to his eyes, a feature I particularly enjoyed about him. Max began laughing hysterically. His smile lit up our drab workplace, making it a pleasure to be in his company to distract me from myself. After a few minutes of distracted glances and bagging groceries our conversations reconvened.
“So, really, what were you thinking about?” He pressed his arm along my shoulder and his smile faded from his lips but still lingered in his eyes.
As soon as he began speaking, I distractedly began picking at my nail polish. It was a dark blue/black, almost mimicking the color of the sky. I had just got them done
the day before, but it was chipping on the edges. I really enjoyed the color and the nostalgic scent of the nail salon swept through my lungs all at once. I remember standing in front of the
selection of the different polish colors. There had to have been at least 200 different colors, with a variety of hues and shades. I could get my nails done once a week for four years and never repeat a color twice.
“Are you still with me?”
His question jerked me back to earth and the nailpolish I was chipping at kept me somewhere in between. The happiness that was in his eyes moments ago had evaporated into the night, and had been replaced with concern. My lips smiled back as I told him, “I’m right here.”
“but sometimes you seem so far away. Stay with me, please.” His gentleness was overwhelming and his eyes were blazing into mine with such anguish I couldn’t help but look away.
“I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry about me.” His cheerful smile spread back to his eyes and he seemed less protective all of a sudden. His concern showed me how much I craved someone asking me if I  was okay. As I slid my ID through the timeslot I looked at myself in a new light. Stepping outside, I noticed the clouds had passed and all the stars were out to greet me in a cold embrace. The August night faded around me as I looked to the stars to see only the sparkling eyes of the girl I once was. Their silent whispers seemed louder than ever saying “ Don’t give up; change is on the way.”