The cold concrete walls were very uninviting. Then again, who ever desired to be invited to a party of death? Deep thoughts that had found their way into my head were taking control of my psyche, thoughts that were far too much for me to grasp. In the midst of trying to keep my sanity I glanced at my feet and examined my shoes, for no reason other than my observant behavior. They were black, everything seemed to be black here. Black was a familiar acquaintance of mine. If I were to objectify my thoughts they would be a set of smokers lungs, desperately searching for breath.
I was desperately searching for reason. A single reason that a stranger could vindicate that he had the right to take my cousins life. I grew angry. Just thinking about this cold world caused anger to consume me. I thought back, back to where this all began. I was sitting in my room enjoying a relaxing night doing absolutely nothing, I didn’t have a care in the world. The universe must have been pi**ed off that I was doing nothing productive tonight because I received a wake up call. The sound of soft footsteps approached my room. It was my father. I was incredibly confused, my fathers footsteps were never as gentle as now. Something seemed very off… I looked up at him, his face was hard too read. He finally spoke and conjured up a sentence. “Kyle we need to talk” he stated. Suddenly all of the relaxation and peace had escaped me, replacing the emotions that were once there with unease and curiosity. I was nervous. Usually when my Father talks to me it has to do something with chores or punishment and I was not looking forward to either of those. “What is it!” I thought. “Your Cousin Breck has been murdered”
  Standing in there waiting to carry my deceased cousin into the church was like sending a thousand different vaccines inside of me trying to cure me but only resulting in causing more side effects, my emotions were out of control.
Did he find pleasure in the act of stabbing a fifteen year old boy with that cold blade he held in his cowardly hand? I would kill that man, no, not even a man, I would kill that scumbag myself If I ever saw his filthy face.
Me and four of Brecks closest friends along with my brother carried his casket into the church. It was far beyond messed up, this was the first time I had been around Breck in years, except this time he was permanently gone. All these years of him being in England and me being in the States caused me to feel like he was absent in my life. I suppose I have learned what absence really is.
While setting his casket down I leaned in and kissed it. I don’t know about the afterlife, I don’t know anything, I’m just a stupid selfish adolescent. But if there was one thing I knew, it was that I wanted Breck to know that I was there with him before we buried him. Three thousand miles or a billion miles away, I was there for him, thats the only positive I could extract from the situation at this point, even at that it was a lame positive. I was too late.
Family members weeping, friends mourning, parents hearts broken, we were all some sort of messed up. As I sat there listening to the preacher I became enraged. He had spoken with some sort of weakness in his voice, Breck deserved better. He began to justify death, he spoke on concepts that I disagreed with. “None of this was God's fault”  he claimed. Hypothetically if I believed in God from a Christian standpoint I would consciously understand that that He is in complete control. He had made life and he and destroyed life. To be blunt, the things this preacher was saying made me want to slam my head into a cement wall until my eyeballs fell out. The hatred on my shoulders was heavy. I took a breath. Drawing a deep breath, reaching the depths of my chest. I closed my glass eyes. I exhaled.
The casket opened, I let the darkness leave and allowed light to enter. It was now time to say farewell to my sweet cousin. As I examined his body, I broke down. Tears fled from my eyes and I had no control over myself, seeing him dead broke and smashed me, leaving no room for mercy. Seeing Breck laying here destroyed me. I would give him my life in turn for his back in a heartbeat. He had so much going for him, while I was practically invisible. Unfortunately life doesn’t provide you with that choice.
Breck had ended a chapter in my life, the title being “Bulletproof”. He had also opened a new chapter in my life, “A New Outlook”. He caused me to see the world differently. This life may be cold, heartless, and rarely fair, but it is also precious. We need to treasure every moment with our friends and family.  I could never grasp this until this tragedy, I now see the world in a much different way. Viva la Vida - Live The Life.