Have you ever had a moment in your life when you see something that makes your heart skip a beat? I have finally found this moment in my life and unfortunately, it was a life or death situation. For as long as I can remember, I get to see my father on Tuesdays. My parents got a divorce over a brutal disagreement when I was just a young and thriving toddler. The documents that give my dad the rights to see me says he gets to see me weekly and now its kind of tradition that we are “Tuesday people”. Also, as long as I can remember I’ve spent every other weekend in the hot summer watching my dad race. My dad is a drag racer and he drives a bright yellow, malibu wagon. Of course as a young child, I had always dreamed of driving my dads racecar but now, I’m not so sure I would feel very safe doing that.
As I grew older, these visits with my dad became less and less frequent. The meetings decreased from every week to maybe once every two months. I had always found something better to do and lost sight of my priorities. Looking back, I regret neglecting my father like I did. I would ignore his calls out of the sole fact that I had felt guilt for not seeing him as often as I should have. Then, something happened that changed my ways. I went to visit my dad down at Mid-Michigan Motorplex, a place where I have always felt comfort at because it reminds me of my dad. It was a cool and windy night in September and it was nice to finally watch my dad race again seeing that it had been a year since I was last at the track. I grew up loving the smell of racing fuel for some reason it made me happy and brought me back to all of the late nights sitting in the stands watching my whole family race. The sound on the other hand would sometimes get obnoxious, as I would try to sleep on the uncomfortable pullout couch in the motor home. I watched the yellow wagon go into the staging lane. Now, he was racing against a black dragster (which is his favorite thing to do). He likes to surprise the fast cars with the fact that his old wagon can keep up with them.
When both cars were in the staged and ready to go, the lights began to start. When the lights finally reached green, both cars gunned out of the staging lane but something was wrong. The yellow wagon started to veer out of its lane going straight for the other car to its right. I watched the glistening, silver letters that spelled out “Burdess Family Racing” on the right side of the car flash before my eyes. My father has missed the dragster by nearly a foot, leaning on his left two tires as he continued going to the left. This is when my heart had stopped. I had now realized what dangers this situation presented. Growing up, I remember the dangers of drag racing because I watched my grandpa crash and fall into a coma for a couple of weeks and luckily, he overcame his injuries. I now thought to myself that our luck was finally running out and this was the end. I watched my dad put the car back into control, get back onto all four tires and come to a stop. I don’t think I’ve ever been more thankful in my entire life. Its strange to think that a millisecond could change the fate of your entire life considering the fact that if my dad would have gone a second earlier, he could be facing life threatening injuries now. It makes me think about all the people during 9/11 that had woken up late and were not to work on time and that’s why they are still alive today. I now more understand and realize what dangers this situation I had witnessed presented.
I learned a lot of things about myself that day. I had realized that I did not have my life prioritized correctly. I began to regret my poor choices of choosing to go do unimportant things rather than spending time with my dad. I realized that one day, when I go to hug my father goodbye, it will be the last time and I reflected on the way I had treated him and I was not happy with myself. I’ve changed my ways since that day. I guess you could say I was scared straight in a way. I now appreciate my family much more than I did because now that I realize I could wake up tomorrow and not have them anymore. This event changed me and I began to develop an insane fear of death. I am now a very cautious person and closed off. I realized I become really attached to people and that’s why I fear death, I fear losing the people I love. I’ve now come to realize that death is inevitable and that I need to live my life to the fullest to ensure I will feel no regret when I am no longer able to see a person that I love.  My worst fear is that one day someone will pass away and the last thing I had done was ignore their phone call or leave off on a bad foot and for that I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
That day, I also learned some things about my dad. One is that somehow he always keeps a positive outlook on life. When I talked to him directly after almost crashing, all he said to me was “I thought to myself, well if I’m going to die, at least I’m doing something that I love”. I love how courageous and fearless he is. I hope one day to pick up some of those traits. I really do hope I become more courageous and less closed off. I do not wish to fear death anymore. As life goes on, I look forward to finding who I really am as a person and who I will become. I know the past events in my life have changed me forever and I would never take any of them back.